There’s a Price on My Head

The thing I like the most about this NASI game changer is that it puts a price on my singleness. Marrying me is worth $8,000.

That is, there’s an $8,000 bounty offered to any man or woman who can successfully eliminate me from the shidduch pool. So, according to NASI, that’s the value of my (uncovered) head.

Now, I’m all for paying a shadchan and so on, and I understand that I’m a tough case, so $3,000 won’t cut it. But $8,000 is a whole lot to give away to a stranger. It’s like a dowry, but minus being able to use it on your household after.

I would rather offer the money to my husband-to-be, as a bribe for him to present himself a little sooner rather than later. He is very welcome to $8,000 from my account (prenup agreement requiring marriage of >5yrs), which, of course, he can use to pay off the sheitel mortgage.

After all, if we’re going to put a price on my hair and I’m going to be paying the bounty, why shouldn’t I call the shots on who it goes to and when and how?

 

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12 thoughts on “There’s a Price on My Head

  1. When I saw the ad I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Initiative”? Please. Plus the additional $500 for something vague. And the older you are the more money, so I have to worry about a tranquilizer dart hitting my back and being delivered like a sack of meat.

    Dog the Bounty Hunter!

  2. Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. Go find a boy to marry – anyone, doesn’t matter. Now I want a fake ID (what’s that cost, $20?) that says you’re 45. Then I’ll “set you up,” you’ll get hitched, and we’ll split the cash

    You in?

    Um, this is a private message, right?

  3. Isn’t it good to know your value goes up with age? Almost tempts me to say to girls, wait, don’t marry him! I can get more money for you next year! Better yet, wait until you are in your mid-30s. What’s the rush?

  4. I don’t think that is the question to ask. The question that should be asked is: Bad4s, if you knew that if you gave NASI $8,000 right now and they were hypothetically able to guarantee that you would get married, would you do it?

    Personally, I think the idea is flawed on so many levels that it isn’t even worth stating them. However, I have an alternative idea which may help “mitigate” the “shidduich crisis.”

  5. Right, but once it’s only hypothetically, the comparison fails. People have read this and said to me, well, if I’d get the money if Eliyahu Hanavi promised my daughter would get married, I should feel obligated to get it now. They miss the fact that while the Eliyahu Hanavi part is hypothetical, the lack of a promise makes the situations no longer analagous.

  6. If I could pay someone $8,000 and they would pull out of their hat the perfect man, sure, I’d do it. People pay more for Asian mailaway brides. But if could pay someone $8,000 and they would find some dude willing to marry me for that price – nah, no way. Why are we discussing ridiculous hypotheticals?

  7. I’m always for sale, it’s just a matter of how you phrase it. You can “buy” me with kindness and consideration and long walks on the beach, and I can buy a guy, it seems, for $8,000. The guy is cheaper.

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