I recently had the privilege and fun of making some research calls on behalf of a friend. I volunteered for the job; I thought it would be fun. Instead, I discovered that I did not miss my calling in undercover spy work. Subtly extracting information from a suspecting subject is not my strong suite.
Below, “She” is the Single on behalf of whom I made the calls. Her line is the information that Single requested I get about the subject, Mr. Adam Adamson. “Me,” my name, I call myself. My line is what I say to the reference on the phone. “Re” is the reference I was calling. Her/his line is the gist of what I extracted. Me to She: what I relayed back to Single.
She: “How does he spend his free time?”
Me: “So…tell me about Adam Adamson.”
Re: “Well, he’s a great guy, a wonderful learner, just back from Israel. Always up for anything and always busy with something. You know, he always keeps busy on the side earning a little. Working in a store, delivering groceries, giving rides…”
Me to She: “He doesn’t waste a second. A masmid of life.”
She: “Find out what he plans to do with his life.”
Me: “…so, he seems like a pretty motivated guy. Where’s he heading?”
Re: “Well, right now he’s still learning and plans to do that for a while. After that, I haven’t heard.”
Me back to She: “Got none.”
She: “Find out if his family is normal.”
Me: “So, you know the Adamson family very well?”
Re: “Oh yes. A warm, wonderful, loving family.”
Me back to She: “Sounds a heckuvalot nicer than your family.”
She: “Find out if people like him.”
Me: “So how do you know Adam?”
Re: “He’s good friends with my son and he comes over often. Such a nice boy. He runs errands for us all the time. I’d set him up with my daughter, but he’s so close with my son that it would be weird.”
Me back to She: “His reference likes him. That’s good enough, right?”
She: “Find out if he’s chilled or uptight.”
Me: “Er….” “Um….” “So.” “How is working with him?”
Re: “He’s great! He’s up for anything. But if he thinks something is over the top he can stop it without sounding disrespectful.”
Me to She: “I dunno what kind of camp he worked in, but it sounds like da bomb.”
She: “Find out if he’s a mensch.”
Me: “So, is he a mentsch?”
Re: “The definition of the world.”
Me to She: “This is harder than I thought.”
Me to She: “So? He sounds amazing. If he was five years older I’d date him myself. When are you going out?”
She to Me: “Not interested.”
Bad for Shidduchim 
And that brought you right back to “Doh”
Isn’t normal and menschdik enough then?
In the end, a reference can never duplicate the experience of the date itself, so why wouldn’t ‘She’ give him a chance?
Anon613-London
MCP – Nice One!!
First off you asked all the wrong questions.
Instead of asking whether hes easy to work with ask “how often does he get angry and how does he handle it?” This is a loaded question in that we are basing ourselves on the premise that he is human and thus does lose his temper once in a while. Now here is the clincher, a normal person doesnt usually get angry in front of acquaintances, he saves that for close friends and family, thus if the reference has anything to say but ” i dont know i never saw him angry” your in trouble. If your talking to the guys chavrusa, ask him how often he gets up on time for shachrit and where he davens. you cant just ask, is he a nice guy? you gotta get into the gritty.
Heheh was gonna say this is a great story, got sidetracked reading Tzafnas Paneachs’ comment, had me rolling too! Good article.
Me to She: “So? He sounds amazing. If he was five years older I’d date him myself. When are you going out?”
She to Me: “Not interested.”
Does this make you a Woman In Black?
MCP – 😀
Random Shadchan – Noooo! Oh gosh, but it does sound like it, doesn’t it? Terrifying how easy it is to go over to the dark side… but I’m wearing light blue. That’s a comfort, at least.
+5 for MCP.
Too many questions, though nice job on the translating. 🙂
Ah, but we don’t all wear black; at least, not all the time! (Be quiet, MCP, I know what you’re thinking!) And that’s pretty much the way most of us start…