Here Now, Gone Tomorrow

Why do bloggers hide their blogs when they get engaged?

This is important. At the moment, I see no reason why something written for the public should suddenly become private after I get engaged. Can someone explain it to me? You know, just in case I get engaged and need to know this.

8 thoughts on “Here Now, Gone Tomorrow

  1. For many, the joy of blogging is placing one’s innermost and honest thoughts out there, and fear no retribution since they are anonymous. However, when one now has a soon-to-be-significant other, they don’t want to be THAT honest. At least, not yet.

    So the blog disappears, so no chance that a spouse can find out what one is REALLY like.

  2. Princess Lea, in the nicest way possible, I pity your future husband if you plan on hiding one ounce of who you REALLY are from him when you are engaged. Be THAT honest – don’t you want someone who wants you for who you are deep down, not what they picked up from a few weeks or months of dating?

  3. I don’t read that many blogs, so haven’t noticed this phenomenon. What I have noticed, is that once bloggers get engaged, their blog tends to get boring or else is barely ever updated.

  4. I’ve noticed that a lot of bloggers also fade off into the land of no-updates. If the blog is exclusively about shidduchim and particularly their experiences while dating, then they’ve run out of material, or will run out shortly after getting engaged/married once they’ve gotten the last few posts out of their system.

    Of course, some bloggers are able to continue blogging about married life, but that comes with a huge shift in focus and audience as well. All the single readers who can identify with the blogger’s struggles and feel connected to the posts because they feel like a part of the same world can become alienated.

    I was very worried about this when I got engaged/married, but now over a year later I’m still going strong. I think it’s because I write about a variety of topics, including Jewish music, marriage, being a shadchan, as well as my short stories. If the blogger remains engaging to his/her readers and continues to produce enjoyable content, I don’t see why the blog has any reason to die off.

    However, blogging with a spouse in one’s life can become complicated. Particularly if the spouse knows about the blog, you can’t simply write up anything you want to like you did when you were dating (assuming your dates and ex-dates never found the blog or identified themselves by the posts about them), because you DO have to be considerate of your spouse’s feelings. Many things are not to be written about in the public sphere, and particular personal issues should be kept between the couple and perhaps their Rav/therapist as the case may be (and certainly varies for the individual couple).

    Regarding letting your spouse know about your blog – I revealed the existence of Shades of Grey to ASoG while we were dating, before we even got engaged. I felt it was an important part of my life and wanted her to read my previous posts (and further ones too) to get a better sense of who I am, how I think, and what my beliefs are – in ways that I couldn’t necessarily get across on a date. I think I tend to be more thought-out and profound in the written sphere than in person, so understanding and coming to terms with my writing is certainly a beneficial means to get to know me better.

    ASoG enjoys the blog as well as the stories. I don’t always tell her about what I’m writing before I post it, unless it is something directly related to our marriage, such as the anniversary post or some of the “Things I’ve Learned Since I Got Married” series. In those cases, I’ll let her pre-read them and see if she has any suggestions or corrections. Other than that, I post whatever I want.

    Being married and having a blog does NOT mean that you must conceal the blog from your spouse. I do understand if you’ve been blogging about him/her throughout your courtship and have written things that were perhaps not so complimentary, but it can be nice to read those things – within the right frame of mind and in context of when they occurred – to help him/her understand what you were going through while dating. I kept a private dating journal in a Word document, which I shared with ASoG after we got engaged – it was cute and meaningful to see what I was thinking before I ever ‘knew’ she was the one, and ASoG got a kick out of it as well.

    So Bad4, I see no reason for you to hide your blog from your future husband, whoever he may be (and may you find him/he find you soon). Given the content of what you write about, I don’t see any reason for him to find it objectionable. If he’s definitely the right person, and we all hope our spouse is without a doubt our real bashert (however you want to understand that concept) I think it will be important for him to relate to the blog and it will help him grow to understand and appreciate you more – and your writing talents!

    So in short, after you get engaged, give him a reading assignment to go through the annals of your blog 😉

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