The Best Kind of Shopping (2 of 2)

In part 1, I extol the virtues of online shopping. You don’t wind up with your arms full, you don’t have to go out into the weather, you can find whatever you need easily, and you can do it all while lying flat on your back in bed. 

Until I discovered another sort of shopping with pretty much the same benefits and experience. 

I am talking, of course, about mattress shopping.

I strolled in intending to bounce on a few mattresses and walk out with the cheapest thing they had. I don’t know if pillowtops and fancy add-ons help you sleep better, but I do know that they are dreadfully difficult to get out of in the morning. As such, I didn’t see any advantage in having one. Getting up in the morning is required for my job.

But the saleswoman was busy, so I flopped down on the nearest piece of merchandise to wait. She was busy a little bit longer, so I rolled over and tried another one.

Soon enough I’d arrived at a high-density Tempurpedic. I sank in and it molded around me like soft butter. Aaah. I could stay there forever. If this is what you get for being an astronaut, I totally pursued the wrong career path.

Naturally, I was a little peeved when the saleslady showed up. But it transpired that she didn’t expect me to move. Indeed, she encouraged me to test out all the more expensive mattresses for as long as I desired. She recommended that I try the pillow provided at the headboard.

Oh, right. Pillow. I wiggled upstream until I found it.

“Have you got a blanket too?” I asked hopefully. It had been a long day. But no. They could not encourage appearances of vagrancy.

The saleslady perched on the next bed over and we discussed what I was looking for in a mattress. She, personally, owned the next bed over, and recommended it highly. I pried myself out of the butterdish and went to test it out.

It was like sleeping on a cloud.

“That’s it. I’m here til closing,” I said, sinking back. My mattress shadchan laughed and told me that it came with a pillow and mattress protector and offered to bring me all the paperwork right where I lied.
I flipped over to check the price tag.


And I thought I had sticker shock in Nordstrom. I could shop all day in a department store and not total enough to match the cost of this piece of foam – something I’d only use while unconscious.

“Um, no, maybe not,” I said. “Let me go try a few on that side of the room.”

Still: I could get used to this kind of shopping. It’s almost as good as shopping online.


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