I’m always bemused when people try to redt shidduchim for people they don’t know on the basis of knowing their family. Then again, maybe this is tied to the often astonished statement people make to me: “Everyone in your family is so different!” Well yes. And trust me on this: the world doesn’t need multiples of any of us. One unique version is more than enough.
But maybe some families are like that. A bunch of very similar bunnies all popped out of the same chocolate mold. Or maybe there’s some generalization you can make about the family that also applies to every member of it. Like “they’re all so different! I’m sure you’ll love the daughter that I never met.”
Anyway, this one is a fun post about family. Enjoy.
Let me remind you that you’re eldest brother (sounds more sage than oldest, no?) got married after a shidduch made by someone who never met me – but knew the rest of you.
Exceptions surely don’t prove the rule, but hey – it works sometimes.
I think that families typically pass down core values to one another – no matter how different each member is, as a whole the family believes X is incredibly important and supersedes everything else should it come into play. Typically, those same core values are the only aspects of a person which are non-negotiable, so if they are set up with someone who has similar core values, it’s easier to work around the rest.
That said, I wouldn’t base it only on that, but it’s not as crazy as it sounds.
I see both sides of the story. My brothers are hard-core full-time learners. One is a Brisker and the other a BMGer. Many people assume that I want to marry a full-time learner and that is not true. I have been in university for the past 3 years and although I respect the kolel lifestyle very much, I don’t think I speak the same language as someone who never left yeshiva. However, being that these are the type of males I have been most exposed to throughout my life, I have developed a sensitivity and respect for guys who know a lot of torah and have worked on their middos to the point where they epitomize the definition of a ben torah, So although we may be very different, we have a certain influence on each other and definitely have a lot of shared values.