Extreme Dating

Longest date I’ve been on – Also the hottest date. It was the summer. I wore a white trenchcoat over my clothes because I don’t like walking out all dressed up without a jacket. It was also on the assumption that we would get into a car and go someplace where we would sit in an air-conditioned atmosphere while sipping  iced drinks in perspiring glasses.

Instead, as we hit the sidewalk, he said, “So, where do we go?”

I offered him a few options: some local restaurants, a coffee shop, or a walk around the park. He said, “Sounds good. Which do you want to do?” Unwilling to stick my hands in his pockets when I’d only known him for 247 seconds, I suggested the walk. Of course, first we had to walk to the park, then around the lake, and then back, at which point I was hot, tired, irritated, and no longer reluctant to lighten his wallet. I marched us to the restaurant. We proceeded to converse about programming for another two hours.

When the shadchan called, she first apologized in advance and then asked me if I wanted to go out again. I always wonder when shadchanim do that. Does that mean they knew they set you up with a dud? Whose side are they on anyway?

Shortest date I’ve been on – It was probably a bad sign. He drove up to my door, checked the clock, and said, apologetically, “It was only an hour and 20 minutes, is that okay?” The best answer was probably not the one I gave: “Only an hour and 20 minutes? I didn’t notice.”

Most horrifying date I’ve been on – Watching my date beat a horse. Okay, it was a digital horse. We were at an arcade and there was a horse-racing game, and he projected that if using the crop a little bit improved the horse’s time a little bit, then using it a lot would improve the horse’s speed a lot… I watched in horror and squealing protest as he beat the living daylights out of our horse. He will forever remain in my mind as the animal abuser. Near miss, there.

Most boring date I’ve been on – a mini-golf center that thinks mini-golf means using a putter to gently tap a ball across a small green. No windmills, no bridges, no loop-de-loops, no fun. Conversation with the guy wasn’t scintillating either. We swapped dating stories the entire time. If you need to discuss other people’s bad dates to liven up your own, what does that say about things?

Funniest date I’ve been on –  I like to let the guy lead on dates. So when he suggested ice cream in Borough Park, I didn’t murmur a word of protest. The affable (and loud) guy behind the counter of Sprinkles wished us a hearty mazal tov upon our recent engagement, and when we explained that there hadn’t been one, he wished us an equally hearty mazal tov upon our impending engagement. We both waited to laugh until we were out the door, ice cream in hand. We spent the rest of the date running around the playground across the street. When I got home my sister said that she heard I’d had a good time – from her pack of friends hanging out at the ice cream store.

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33 thoughts on “Extreme Dating

  1. Some good stories Bad4, but what about the second dates – did none of these first dates go any further?
    More, more!!!

  2. I’m with tesyaa – a white trenchcoat?

    I’ve had friends pop in on dates, including one particular fellow, who came over, introduced himself and proceeded to loudly and animatedly talk about how I’m the greatest guy, she’s so lucky, etc etc – as I turned red and wished I had a Turtle shell to hide in.

    Though I can’t compete with the ice cream story, I was once accosted by one of the those Breslov guys who walk around with a stack of pamphlets under his chin, asking for tzedaka and gives you 30 things for your meager dollar donation. He looked at the two of us and asked if we were married, to which I replied in the negative. He then said he simply had to give me something that would help me. After a minute of shuffling through the giant stack, he produced a booklet warning me about the dangers of divorce…. urg.

  3. Longest Date I’ve Ever Been On: It was a second date. We met at Riverside Park somewhere around 80th in the evening, and proceeded to start walking down the path along the Hudson. We kept walking and walking, not noticing the time or where we were going. Before we knew it, we were near Ground Zero, and it was around 1 am. Thankfully we took the train home. We only went on 6 dates, but that was probably one of the most chilled out dates I ever went on. And it also caused foot problems a few weeks later…

    Shortest Date I’ve Ever Been On: We were at Starbucks. I didn’t want to be there. We spent the entire date talking about his new diet. Then we walked back to my building. Total date was about 1 hour. Both mutually agreed to not go out again.

    Most Horrifying Date I’ve Ever Been On: We were at the zoo. I was ogling the penguins. I asked him what his favorite animal was. He said it was hard for him to get excited about anything that wasn’t capable of voting. As a penguin enthusiast, I didn’t know how to respond.
    Close 2nd: having a guy tell me his GPA on a date. Which was about 2.8 if I recall correctly. Not exactly something to brag about. He also got really overwhelmed by the fact I had applied to grad school and knew what I was doing with my life, while he had no aspirations. And then proceeded to ask me for career and life advice. No.

    Most Boring Date I’ve Ever Been On: We went to a mini golf place on Superbowl Sunday (aka, it was empty). I was bored after 10 minutes, but he seemed really excited about mini golf. After an hour I was ready to go, but we were far away from my neighborhood and it was only accessible by car. He insisted we go to the arcade and play pool. Then when I was in the bathroom I heard him on the phone making plans to go to dinner. We got into the car and I thought we would finally be done, but then he insisted we walk outside in the 20 degree weather near the water. My feet were freezing. I could not get out of the car fast enough when we finally got to my building. And as if my body language wasn’t obvious enough, he wanted to go out again.

    Awkwardest Date I’ve Ever Been On: My current boyfriend and I, along with some other friends, went to a singles event (wine and cheese) to help support a friend who was running it. The minute we walked into the room, I saw an ex of mine who I am not a fan of. I left my boyfriend in the room and ran out the door along with a friend of mine who knew him. After about 10 minutes of reassurance from her, I walked back in and proceeded to walk around the room with my boyfriend. He left me for about a minute, and my ex waltzed over and started talking to me like we were best friends. My boyfriend walked over and my ex didn’t notice. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he walked away.

    Most Obnoxious Date I’ve Ever Been On: I went to a friend’s birthday party on a Saturday night and right beforehand, my boyfriend of 2 months called to ask me what time I’d be back, since he wanted to hang out afterwards and “talk”. I asked if “talking” meant breaking up, and he said “of course not”. After my friend’s birthday party, I called him and he drove over. I got into the car and he started talking. What he was saying sounded an awful lot like breaking up to me, so I asked him why he would tell me 2 hours ago he wasn’t going to break up with me, but that now it seemed he was breaking up with me. He said “I went with a friend for dinner, and I changed my mind”. As I started to open the car door, I yelled that he was a jerk, and slammed the car door.

  4. What is the shock about a white trench? It’s a very light stiffened cotton meant to be worn in the springtime.

  5. Yeah, I’m not getting the whole white trenchcoat thing either. Is that not allowed? Man I stink at these rules. My shabbos coat is grey which I wear on dates. Can I not do that?

  6. iyhby – I am here to defend mini-golf. I actually had a fun date at mini-golf. Went to one which was glow in the dark and had things popping out.
    Downside: Was hard to hear each other over the music and hard to carry on a conversation because of the stopping/starting to hit your ball so ended up going to Starbucks after-which was the boring part.

  7. one guy I went out with, I knew within the first 10 seconds it wasnt gonna work. I asked him if he wanted to come in and he just shook his head to tell me he doesnt know. so I ask him if he wants to go for a walk, and again he hems and haws. so i am getting impatient and I say, lets go out, is it cold out,? and again he just shakes his head, like he doesnt know what to say, so I say, let me get my jacket. we went and sat and he did speak later on, but that was that. answer the person when you are spoken to.

  8. Bad4, my reaction to the white trench was based on a couple of things: 1 – impossible to keep clean, even without kids of your own; 2 – I surmised it was meant to be worn in the spring, but you wore it on a hot summer day. Buying a garment guaranteed to get soiled, and wearing it inappropriately, are both examples of poor judgment that I find surprising in a person who has the good judgment to maintain this blog.

  9. Currently Bad4 is dating. When one is dating, one is supposed to wear highly impractical high-heels which cause bodily inflammation, but I hear no men objecting. Dating means one wear what one looks good in, not what one wants to be comfortable in.

    A white trench coat can stay white providing one is careful.

    Additionally, there are times in the summer when another layer is needed.

    Tesyaa, being male, is now banned from any further fashion discussion.

    The Frumanista, being certified with the very fashion-ness of her name, hereby decrees: white trench coats are chic.

    (Bangs gavel).

  10. Lea, while not a frumanista like you, my teenage daughter’s friend once said she liked the way I dressed. So I do not know zero with regards to fashion. White outer garments are out of the question for me, though; even before kids, I was just never neat enough to keep one pristine.

  11. White is cool even though it’s impossible to keep clean. I have a pair of white jeans that need to be dry cleaned on a weekly basis in the summer, but it’s well worth it.

    PL – I’m a guy, and I will involve myself in any conversation regarding fashion that I please. That comment was incredibly sexist, ironic coming from someone who often comes off sounding like quite the feminist.

    Just Sayin…

  12. Tesyaa – My bad. The internet can be a gender-confusing place, and I incorrectly assumed the wrong one. I apologize. However, I shall jump valiantly to the defense of those who’s fashion choices seem to be unjustly attacked. I still stand by my original statement: white trenches are chic.

    Since I had wrongly assumed you were male, I therefore believed your fashion opinion was unnecessary. Since you are not, I did not mean to cast aspersions upon your ability to dress.

    MCP: Dude, if I ever came off as sounding like a feminist, let me rectify that erroneous assumption and insist I’m not one. I find feminism exhausting.

    Again, my throwing males out of the conversation was done to protect Bad4’s fashion virtue. If you want to yammer about three-button vs. two, many a male weighs in on my “Dressing for Men” posts.

    And “just saying” is sort of like “no offense.” Are you saying or not? If you are, no need to say “just.” As you are, obviously, saying.

  13. Lea, no sweat (though not literally in the date described, apparently 🙂 ) I can agree to disagree on the white trench – I guess I am not arguing with the chic-ness of a white trench (though taste obviously varies), but with the practicality of it. But as you said, you ladies are dating – the heck with practicality!

  14. Why do you assume that men can’t discuss fashion besides 3 vs 2? Your limited experience with males doesn’t preclude those of us that you have not met, who actually understand and appreciate women’s fashion, from getting involved in a discussion about a white trench coat.

    The Just Saying was there for exactly that reason.

  15. Tesyaa – You should see my hair in curlers. Shiver.

    MCP: Siiiiiiiigh. I was not assuming that men cannot discuss fashion besides for that – my segment analyzes much more topics than that.

    Men, of course, can have an opinion about women’s fashion; however, unless they are channeling Tootsie, they can only discuss women’s fashion in theory, but not the practice.

    Example: Men all seem to wholeheartedly agree that women should not wear black. While I mostly wear color, I find it difficult to find dresses and evening-wear in such hues. Therefore, I have three black dresses and black evening-wear not because I am terrified of color, or afraid of standing out, but because I simply cannot FIND anything other than black. .

    Maxwell Klinger would understand.

  16. But as I showed above, I can discuss in practice as well – granted, I have no experience wearing women’s clothing, unlike Mr. Klinger; I do however know enough to have a right to get involved with the discussion above.

    Besides, how would you explain the fact that a high percentage of fashion designers (albeit mostly gay) are men? Just look at Jacobim Mugatu…

    In all seriousness, all I am saying is, don’t assume that all guys cant discuss women’s fashion, even in practice.

    You get your brothers dressed, my mother and sister usually won’t buy an outfit without asking my opinion.

    Just Sayin,

    MCP

  17. “Just Sayin” again? Redundant, redundant, redundant.

    Gay men, obviously, do not fall into the conversation; their brains are female, as is their approach to clothing. While Ralph Lauren is straight, his sizing is messed up; Oscar de la Renta is probably the only straight designer I trust.

    I have actually never heard of Jacobim Mugatu.

    Ah, so you are one of the few men unrelegated to those considerately located chairs in women’s stores. God bless.

    And I shall say yet again, my original verdict was regarding what I thought to be male attacks against Bad4’s wardrobe.

    (Waves white flag).

  18. Ok, fine, the last “Just Sayin” was just to push your buttons.

    I don’t actually go shopping with my mother, but (at least while I was still living at home) I was asked to weigh in on what she had bought. Same goes for my sister, although I do occasionally take her shopping.

    He’s not real, no fear. He was the designer in Zoolander.

  19. Haha! Ben Stiller pouty mouth. I really should have googled first.

    If your fashion savvy makes you useful to the less-inclined females in your life, that is a gift. It is so sad when those who desperately need stylists flounder about alone and helpless in malls.

  20. tesyaa –
    1 – It wasn’t the summer. I miswrote. It couldn’t have been, because I have not been home for a summer for most of my life. It was an unusually hot spring day. But even on a cool summer day I would have worn it because I feel more comfortable with it on and because who expects to exert themselves in the heat on a first date?
    2 – I didn’t buy the trench, but I like it a lot. And nothing gets on it that a bleach pen can’t take care of. Okay, maybe not a bleach pen. To be honest, I give it to my mother and she does some kind of magic that I cannot replicate.
    3 – What Princess Lea said. Plus, when you want to look pretty, practical doesn’t count.

  21. Bad4 & Lea – ok, I have thought about it and I am jealous that I can’t keep a white trench clean for 30 seconds.

    (Even just seeing a white cardigan on someone else makes me nervous :).)

  22. Princess Lea
    I’ve always said, if it was up to me first dates should be done in a black slinky skirt and sweatshirt (not sure what the equivalent is for men.) It would make all my first dates much more enjoyable.
    I’ll straighten my hair and put on some makeup to compromise.

    And maybe we could bring along slippers to change into…….?

  23. Also, rethinking the title of this post a bit – I don’t see what’s so “extreme” about these date stories Bad4 is sharing.

    Whenever I hear the word “extreme” I think of really loud rock music complete with intelligible yelling, really spiky hair of non-natural hues, diving out of airplanes, bungee jumping, motor cycles, dangerous wild animals, or explosions.

    I’m seeing none of that here…

  24. SoG: Those are my extremes, not the extremest they come. But in my egocentric world, these are dating extremes. 😉

  25. Pingback: Reposts: Hilchos Dating Series | Bad for Shidduchim

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