Friday Repost: Take Two?

After a lousy first date, do you give another shot? Even if it makes you want to drink another shot?

Some people marry guys they initially hated. Then again, lots don’t.

A vigorous debate on the subject followed a post on the subject of courtesy second dates.



7 thoughts on “Friday Repost: Take Two?

  1. I went on a courtesy second date once, because I stupidly mentioned that I never say no after one. The girl was really nice, didn’t mind spending time with her, but she absolutely was not for me and we both knew it. I’m pretty sure that it was a courtesy date from her perspective too.

    The kicker is that the dumb shadchan, who happened to be related to the girl, told her I said yes to a THIRD date, when in reality I gave a polite “not for me but if she’s dying to go out again I’ll do a courtesy third date”, knowing full well she would say no and hoping to avoid having to answer a million questions from annoying shadchan about what I didn’t like about her perfect (insert relative here). My mistake for assuming the shadchan would repeat what I said instead of making me sound like a lovestruck teenager.

    I found this all out when she went out with my best friend, and asked him why I said yes to a 3rd date when clearly it wasn’t going anywhere.

    On that off chance she’s reading this now, I’m happy to have the opportunity to set the record straight.

    Now just gotta hope she keeps my secret identity secret…

  2. If not for this courtesy, I might not have married…. Obviously if a person is a jerk or openly expresses incompatibility on the first date, you don’t owe him (or her) any more. But one first date was QUITE the dud – nothing horrific but just the most boring, awkward drag… and I was pretty sure we had nothing in common besides maybe our species. It really looked like a DOA shidduch. But there just wasn’t anything to hate about it hard enough, and he was very interested in continuing, so I acquiesced. And lo, I eventually discovered that he was (and is) a true prince, and everything I could hope for and then some, and we even learned how to have a good time together and not bore each other to sleep. It’s going on three years since that nasty first date and we haven’t gotten bored of each other since. And we’re very happy, especially me because I learned that sometimes the boring daters can make the most devoted husbands, they’re not busy partying with fun people. That’s especially comforting during those times of life when you’re not so much fun to be around (think sick, bogged down with work, pregnant…)

    I still think we don’t have too much in common but it doesn’t matter that much anymore. There’s enough in common and who cares if we don’t care to read the same books or whatever. If you can learn to get along and enjoy each other through the dull dates, then you’re probably pretty well set for life.

  3. The thing is most people are too quick too judge about stupid things. If you can be honest with yourself and know that for whatever reason there is no way you are spending your life with this person then say no. But many a time I hear someone say no, and the reason is non-sensible. People think they’ve figured something out about someone after one date that is often completely not true. Well, I have no pity for those people. They can die alone.

  4. People think theyโ€™ve figured something out about someone after one date that is often completely not true.

    Agree 100% !

    Well, I have no pity for those people. They can die alone.

    Lighten up a little buddy!

  5. Nice, I stand by what I said that time. Go into every date with the mindset that there will be a date after the one you’re on. Go out of every date determining whether you could handle another date with the person. Unless there’s a reason you really don’t want to go out with the person again, go on another date. Repeat for a few dates, then see how it’s actually going.

    The absurd idea that people “know” after one date that someone isn’t for them is mind-boggling.

  6. Also a lot of time people will be shy/awkward just because they are nervous. My advice: if you had a reasonable time (maybe not great-but ok) then give it a second shot. If it went horrible or you have a definite reason you can point to (ex-hashkafa) then say no to a second date.

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