Thursday Link: TMC thinks we’re still single because we have too many options of people to marry. To quote one guy, explaining his breakup to the girl, “You’re everything I want, but I want to see what else is out there.”

Personally, I’ve never felt that way, but I guess it depends on what you call a choice. Technically, anyone physiologically male is a choice for a mate. But once you start shaving narrow strata of acceptability (this level of frumkeit, that type of personality, compatible life goals) the concept of choice becomes incredibly constrained.

So who decides whether a given date falls within your range of “choice”?  Beats me.


5 thoughts on “Thursday Link: TMC

  1. There are many issues why someone would be fearful to commit. I don’t think the “let me see what else out there could be better” plays as large a part as the author seems to suggest.

  2. I don’t think it is because we are surrounded by reluctant commiters. After all, your previous post linked how men are willing to settle. And since women, in general, are referred to as “desperate,” they are also willing to settle.

    The guy that says “I want to see what’s out there” is a rarity. We know of situations where one could not bring himself to commit, only to pop the question after dating another gal for a week. It wasn’t that he was a commitment-phobe; it was because that relationship wasn’t meant to be.

    I will say it again, slowly and clearly and calmly: THERE IS NO MARRIAGE CRISIS. Just because someone isn’t married by a specific age doesn’t mean it is the end of the world. And no one seems to focus on the ones who DO get married.

    Writing sagely articles about how today’s single is picky and unrealistic doesn’t exactly help matters or egos. Great, I’m single because I’M being unreasonable, amongst other things.

  3. “I will say it again, slowly and clearly and calmly: THERE IS NO MARRIAGE CRISIS”

    Amen, Princess Lea! Being single at a particular age may be a nisayon, but it’s not a crisis.

  4. interesting. perhaps there are those who always feel that there is someone better out there so they won’t commit, but i do not think that is why there are so many singles. it certainly is not why i am single. i wish i had such a wide choice . i think that there is not one reason there are so many singles, i think that it depends on the person .everyone is different. there aren’t any pat reasons which is what frustrates shadchanim and married folk .

  5. Anyone who speaks about why “singles” are not getting married is missing a lot. In some cases, it is absolutely true that the problem is with the single – unreasonable expectations, commitment phobia or the like. (Yes, I know of such cases). Sometimes it’s the parent(s) (combined with a child who can’t bypass the parents). Yes, I know of such cases.

    And then there are singles who are doing everything they are “supposed” to be doing, and whose parents are doing that too, and somehow it just is not moving (yet). Yes, I know of such cases as well.

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