I don’t want to fan flames that don’t need help, but I really liked parts of this response article by Rabbi Boteach (HT to the Kansas Rabbi again):
…perhaps the young women felt relieved that they were actually going to meet creatures with greater depth than some shallow guy. In attending a shidduch event where they would meet Moms, rather than immature men, perhaps they felt relieved that they could actually be themselves. Maybe, just this once, they would be looked on as a man’s equal, someone who is judged by how much she has developed her intelligence and emotions, rather than bust size, cheek bones, and leg length.Alas, it was not to be. Even the women, even the mothers, have had their ideals corrupted. And if these are the values with which orthodox Jewish mothers are today raising their sons, then it’s no surprise why their sons are so shallow, immature, and lost.
I found his response to be too focused on male bashing. It’s natural for guys to think about looks because they’re biologically driven towards it, but there are many guys, if not most, who really don’t care about the makeup and everything else that she talked about, but this situation isn’t about the perspective of what a girl thinks that guys want to have girls look like. It wasn’t a convention of ugly girls, it’s simple surplus of girls who only want a very specific kind of guy (as they were told in sems to only accept) and anything outside of that (i.e. learning but wants to do something else) is ignored. He completely missed that aspect.
Yeah – the part where he talked about the intangible mystique of femininity gave me the creeps, because I don’t think I have any and I want to get married too. But I liked his pointing out that another woman, at least, should do better.
Although it is a well-known phenomenon that nobody is harsher on a woman than another woman.
“Parents, mothers, there is a serious problem in shidduch-land: our boys are not finding Jewish maidleh attractive. The problem is not with our bright-souled girls, it’s with the shallow mindedness of these bochurim. We must change their perceptions. I am shocked, SHOCKED, that in this day and age, with the solution so readily apparent and easily available that we still have a problem with our boys and shallow perceptions. Put simply, parents, you must provide your eligible sons with MORE BEER. Beer is an easily obtainable substance and, applied in sufficient quantities, strips the shallowness from a gaze, allowing it to see the pure Jewish neshama shining through bright and pure. I have conducted many (many) studies that clearly show that a beer-goggled bochur is much more attracted to a girl despite a complete lack of cosmetic adornments on her part. Once again, parents, I urge you to invest as much as is necessary in this – it’s an investment in your son’s future, in his _life_.”
“And if these are the values with which orthodox Jewish mothers are today raising their sons, then it’s no surprise why their sons are so shallow, immature, and lost.”
Really? All jewish boys are shallow immature and lost. As if that generalization isnt shallow and immature. Oh wait i forgot, his mother is also jewish. Boteach should be the last guy on this planet that should be talking about shallowness.