When I wrote this post I wasn’t convinced of my thesis myself. I wrote it mostly to comfort NMF#7 who, last I heard, got married and didn’t become a doctor after all. It’s a bit of a trend in the wannbe-doctor field. Either you marry a politely tolerant guy and watch your medical dreams become impractical upon pregnancy, or you stay single and become a doctor and then…?
As one gentleman put it, “I married my wife after she did teshuva for the ‘averah’ of attending medical school by becoming a neurologist.”
Hey, still going to be a doctor- just a research doctorate, not clincal/medical. 😀
Wow, there’s a lot of comments on that post.
I would definitely date a doctor. Good for her.
It’s not impossible for a woman to be a doctor and get married, many schools (Einstein included) have a decelerated program that gives them more flexibility and time to be both mother and doctor.
Heck, a friend of mine just started med school and he told me that there are two married women in his class with children already – and they aren’t Jewish.
I’m going to become a doctor (technically psychologist but still counts!) And there is another girl also in my program married with a kid. No way am I giving up my program. Family will always come first – but I’m going for what I want.
I’m a frum BY girl who is becoming a doctor. Yentas constantly ask me if this intimates some young men who are redt to me- my answer: Probably, but if he’s intimated then he’s not the boy I’m looking for. simple.
ACLD – that’s what I say too
Sure, you can keep responding to Shadchanim (and to yourself) that any boy who is intimidated by you is “not for you”- but that response feels a lot less satisfying when you find yourself still single at age 28+ after being rejected yet again for this reason. I am BY girl who actually did make it to the end and became a doctor. I started dating at 19, before I even started med school, and it took me quite a while to find the right guy, but I consider myself extremely lucky that my husband goes way beyond being “politely tolerant” of my career. He is learning in Kollel and we hope to be able to continue this for many years to come (haven’t had to rely on parents for support B”H). We have found that his schedule allows him to be available to respond to the emergency-type situations that come up (sick child etc), but he is still able to keep over 90% of his Sedarim. This would be a lot more difficult if he were a lawyer etc. working 8+ hours a day. As far as the intellectual “mismatch” that some people worry about, I have found that our interests complement rather than conflict- we are both intellectually curious people, so my husband enjoys sharing the basics of what he is learning/grappling with in Yeshiva, while I feel comfortable talking about aspects of a particularly puzzling patient etc. (in fact, my husband has gotten into the habit of skimming through my medical journals while eating breakfast, just out of curiosity!). That being said, the MD path is definitely not for everyone- anyone who chooses to pursue it, male or female, has to really be committed to it in order to see it through, since it takes a tremendous amount of time, resources, dedication, and sacrifice. But I guess my point is, don’t despair- it can be done, even as a frum girl in shidduchim. And when I look back, I B”H have the luxury of being able to laugh at the many crazy dating experiences I had along to way, rather than being forced to continually obsess over my choices and whether they were the reason I couldn’t manage to find someone to marry me.
I’m working on my PharmD (doctorate in pharmacy) and I’m married. I’m blessed to have a very supportive husband. But here’s the reality: If he wants to be married to you while you’re working on a doctorate, he’s got to be willing to to live a little bit differently than his friends are for a several years.
1. I woke up this morning to take my last final of the year and found my husband had surprised me by staying up after I had crashed over my books and turning our awfully-neglected home spotless. (This was after he had stayed up past midnight working on his own projects.) I hadn’t washed a single dish all week.
2. Having kids- You can have them, but you won’t be raising them yourself if you want to succeed in school. Your mom, his mom, him, a babysitter… someone’s going to be picking up that slack. My husband is over five years older than me, and every one of his friends has already started a family (including his younger siblings.) But we decided that we want our kids to be raised by their mom, so we’re holding out. It’s tough.
My point: You can’t blame the boys if they can’t handle dating a girl pursuing an education. Be thankful they’re not marrying you and then diverting your goals. He’s gotta be one hell of a tough gentleman.