Some Things Never Die

Like SerandEz blog, and discussions about shallowness in the dating community.

I have absolutely no excuse for posting that link except that I haven’t had time to write a post in two weeks, for which I apologize.

And, if you start on that one and sigh, try this next one on for size. There is some debate over whether it is family friendly (PG-13, methinks, for language), so don’t click if you’re very aidel. But here’s the gist of it (and the very best pull-quote):

We have to quit defining ourselves solely in relation to [non-existent] dudes. Like, “I am not me—I am some imaginary man’s imaginary perfect 10, plus 50 extra pounds, minus a 20-inch waist, plus a threatening commitment to feminism, minus any desire to pretend to care about bike polo! That’s me!” No, that’s not you. That is a weird monster you made up to torture yourself.

…Fundamentally, men are attracted to the exact same thing in women as women are in men: Confidence. Self-assuredness. Agency. Knowing who you are.

The author is probably single, but her point – that normal, non-supermodels get married all the time – is tacitly true.


7 thoughts on “Some Things Never Die

  1. Lol on the never die… Just when everyone thinks I’m finally done I give it another go. To be fair it’s only half about shallowness and half of what to do. Though your approach plays an important role too.

  2. Reading the “Jezebel” article, I now understand the alleged “criris” –

    Even those not of our community (specifically gentile women) are having major self-esteem issues, which leads to “No man will want me, so I will take any man” which leads to unhealthy relationships. Like Liz says on “30 Rock” – “it’s like those Dove ads never happened.”

    The point I keep making is that the Halberstam article was written by a WOMAN, not a man. Meaning, who knows what her son wants/or will get? She wants the “best” for her boychick – what else is new?

    We are also an age of generalities. “Women will take anything.” “Men are unreasonable babies.”

    I still believe in the individuality of humankind. We are not all the same. And what have I found out?

    1) There are plenty of women who want a pretty boy. Not just a guy who will “take” her, but someone handsome enough to compensate for his bad qualities. Except one day the jerkiness gets old.

    2) If there is a man who insists on looks, don’t say anything until you see the girl he actually ends up with. Usually it is a female of “okay” features who kicks his sorry ____ to the curb.

    3) If we were all exactly alike, then we wouldn’t be getting older and single. We are thankfully now in a era when we don’t have to marry at 15 and have some progeny before we drop dead from some illness that could be fixed by aspirin. What’s the rush?

    4) As for older men marrying younger girls? News flash: since Adam and Eve, men have been marrying younger girls. It’s not “suddenly” a cause of inequity. Just be thankful that women don’t die in childbirth anymore. Then a man could have had a few wives before he died from appendicitis at 40.

    5) Bashert is bashert. We go around making long sheva brachos speeches about how it is so clear that this couple is for each other, but the older guy shouldn’t have married the younger girl. OK, if you say so.

    What’s the point of being religious if we think we can control everything? Don’t analyze. Don’t blame. Don’t make initiatives. Just be open.

  3. I have a friend who told me he married a pretty girl so he can show her off. Then he starts telling me she never laughs at his jokes and they have no communication. But the physical stuff is great. Well, good for them. She married him for his money and he for her looks. Which fyi, she looks uglier and uglier to me every time I meet her becuase she’s such an annoying stuck-up freak.

    Which brings me to a recent date with a girl who told me on the date (first and only) that every guy she dates falls in love with her becuase she’s so pretty (she was very pretty, but I have definitely dated plenty of girls prettier) and no guy has EVER said no to another date; she always breaks up with them and tears their hearts out. Wow, after that date I went home and emailed the shaddchan right away that I’m saying no, something I’ve never done – I always wait till the next day.

    The most interesting part is this girl had so many issues that came out on the date that even if she wasn’t so stuck up, I still would have said no.

  4. iyhby- I can’t believe a girl actually said that. How embarrassing. Good for you- teach her the hard way. She needs a reality check

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