A Tale of Two DOA Dates

Not a promising date, but at least the food was good. My date, at least, was an honest, straightforward guy. He knew this was a waste of time, and he was going to put in the bare minimum in terms of time. He didn’t linger over his sandwich, polishing it off and all but licking his fingers as he stared at my half-eaten bagel, daintily nibbled because it was stuffed too much to eat politely on a date.

A silly hang-up, I can’t help but consider in retrospect. I could have stuffed the entire thing down my throat in one go without affecting the outcome of the date (and nor did I want to), so why bother with manners? Breeding, I suppose. (Score one, Mother Dearest.)

“Dessert?” he looked at the questioning waiter, somewhat puzzled. “Oh, no. You don’t want dessert, do you?” he turned to me.

Well, when you put it that way…

Okay, fine. It would not be very nice of me to cadge dessert off a OnD date. But why do I always have to be nice?! The chocolate cake looked really gooey and creamy. I could totally have gone for it.

He got out of the car and walked me to the front walk, gave a shrug, and went to back his car. Mentally dusting off his hands and thinking, “Well, that’s done with.”

“At least I got a bagel out of it,” I summarized to my parents. “No chocolate cake, though. Could really use that chocolate cake now…”


Not a promising date, but at least the company was good. He was entirely engaged in the conversation, apparently interested in the exchange of ideas. He lingered over his bagel, finishing long after I did. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else? Dessert?” he asked several times. “Let me know if you want anything.” And I was terribly impressed by how naturally he took to gallantry. He didn’t leap forward to grab the door as if recently primed by his mother. He just managed to be in the right place at the right time, and if he wasn’t he let it slide.

“It was very nice meeting you,” he assured me gravely as he dropped me off. “Same here,” I told him quite honestly. Neither of us mentioned meeting again, because we knew it wouldn’t happen.

…but I did sort of wish I knew someone who might work for him. Really, such a decent guy.


4 thoughts on “A Tale of Two DOA Dates

  1. Yup, I have the concepts of “The Pointless Date” and “For Some Odd Reason I Would Happily Never See Him Again Even Though He is Very Nice” written up.

    I would actually like to hear more about the dessert that got away . . . was there vanilla ice cream on the side?

  2. things to look forward to:

    just-pre-engagement or post-engagement:
    1- “we might as well use your credit card because you get better rewards and it’s going to be both our money soon enough”
    2- boy eats very saucy chicken wings with fingers, licks the latter, and doesn’t wash hands. girl grimaces. boy says “well i can’t touch you anyway”
    3- if you want dessert, you have to think twice, because you ARE paying and you’re probably going to need the money for something later

    so is it so bad to let yourself be taken out??

  3. And once again with your classic wit, you have contrived two funny and witty anecdotes for us to enjoy. i must suggest an emendation- in your first story, you are clearly disappointed with your date’s lack of gallantry. I would suggest removing the character’s desire to eat messily, since this lack of regard for politeness is inconsistent with her wish for politeness on the side of her date (or at least should be). Her inconsideration of messy fingers is actually more reprehensible since most people would be quite repulsed by messy fingers, which are not that difficult to avoid, whereas the guy, to buy her dessert, must pay quite a decent sum of money, when I think there is a decent case to be made for questioning the social convention of the guy paying for everything.

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