Question for the Marrieds

Does anyone ever think, “I wish we’d had a bigger/fancier/more expensive wedding”?

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23 thoughts on “Question for the Marrieds

  1. I don’t think so. maybe “I wish I’d sprung for the good photographer and album” but that’s it, and only because the pictures are really the only souvenir besides the husband.

  2. not at all. just certain pictures we didn’t take that i kind of wish we took, but whose poses are much more comfortable now than five minutes after being allowed to touch for the first time.

  3. No.

    Those who had fancy weddings often wish their parents had instead said “here, take this money and use it as a down payment on a house”. One friend noted that he tried to convince his parents to save a lot of the money, and offered to split the savings. I don’t believe the parents agreed.

  4. Also agreed on the photos. Pay for the photographer; skip the fancy hall and fancy clothes. And get a great mid-level band, never overpay for a loud, ‘name’ one.

  5. Nope. Just make sure the photographer knows how to take normal pictures – a large chunk of mine came out off center…

  6. No i don’t … I’d opt also for a Larger reception following the chupa [4 sticks and a talis] and a very limited dinner with close friends and relatives…and besides who are you trying to compete with in our downsizing economy – mukltimillionaires?
    Options to consider
    The couple being available for a week of Sheva Brachos instead of leaving for a honeymoon in Hawaii.or Florida.

  7. No. Might have wished for a videographer (besides the impromptu ones taken by some relatives, which were truly lovely), but otherwise? Might have even scaled down a smidge. But in general, it was just what we wanted- heimish, fun, and accessible.

  8. I’d add that I rather wish that I’d just practiced some and did my own hair, rather than going to a hairdresser. It would have taken not much more time, and I might have put together something more like what I originally wanted, which I had a hard time communicating to the hairdresser (although what she did was lovely, too). I did do my own makeup, and I was happy with that decision.

  9. No! I would have preferred a smaller wedding and have some help the first year or so to pay all the bills or rather, use the other half of the money to pay for someones wedding that can’t afford one.

  10. I agree or like I said Why not check out having make Sheva Brachos during the week for 50 guests who were not invited to the wedding. Also If one hears of a chasanah and wants to come to the Chupah he doesn’t need a formal invitation… Many people came to my Chasanah who knew me that I didn;t ask to come.

  11. It depends on the case, but most times if the parents are marrying off the children, the parents decide what the party will be like. My wedding was my mother’s dream come true and my father impressing his colleagues, but sadly we don’t have the same tastes…. Either way, I am happily married and they have the pics to enjoy.

  12. there’s a saying he who pays the piper, plays the tune. good you are happily married I’m looking for my new wife to get married to after being widowed 12 years.

  13. NO! Our wonderful wedding only cost about 2,500, and I really don’t stay up at night thinking about it, but if I could do it again, I would try to make it simpler. Money is so much more precious to me now than it was then, and the wedding is SOOOOOOOO inconsenquential in the ultimate scheme of things.

  14. Well there is a way to make a chassanah Cheap and I mean really Cheap.
    1. … Have a minyan of 10 men at the chupah…
    2 …. 2 of these men are designated as kosher edim [witnesses] who are Shomer Shabbos and not related to either the Chasan or Kallah.
    3. …a friend could offer his home backyard for a chupah to be made using 4 poles and a large Talis [borrowed from your shul or your friend]
    4. …1 of men of the minyan is an Orthodox Rabbi who is permitted by the local area to “perform'” a Wedding.
    5. …a Store bought standard ketubah or one from the Rabbi.
    6. enough plastic cutlery and dishes and food for the few guests you invite.
    7 grape juice to use at the chupah and the sheva brachos and 1 uncut challa for hamotzi
    8 the minyan should know a few songs to dance to without a band
    9 a few friends to take photos with their computer camera that is detached from the computer.
    10 3 bottles of schnapps for the men and 1 botle of sweet liqueur for the ladies.and soft drinks for all

    all else is extra …

  15. The ring or any object used must be solid and worth more than a peruta.It does not have to be gold.It must be owned by the CHASAN and not borrowed from his favourite sweet aunt. Check with your local Rabbi on this.

  16. No, but I wish I’d had a better photographer. Also, I do still appreciate the things we did spend on. The good memories really mean a lot to me; even a few years later it makes me happy to remember being surrounded by so many friends and relatives – that’s pretty much the only thing I really asked for, we considered a smaller venue but I asked if possible to cut down somewhere else and instead have room for more celebrants, everything else was fairly basic but nice. I’m also happy we got a video, it wasn’t very professional but we were considering not having any at all and now in retrospect I’m happy to have it.

    I was surprised to see how many others mentioned the photography thing, I thought that would be my personal pearl of wisdom to share. Oh well. Maybe it just means wedding photographers in our community need to shape up if so many of us are wishing we had better photos!

  17. Nope. But unlike what others said, I don’t wish we had downsized more either. There were a few vendors that I wasn’t crazy about and wish were better, but I don’t think I would have spent more money to make them better. There is definitely some truth to “you get what you pay for,” though.

    Also, I would not have traded in our wedding for a house or for cash. I loved having the wedding we did–it’s an experience you (hopefully) only get once, and I think it’s a special one.

  18. I’d like to share a few details about our wedding that might be helpful to some people. We got married in Tzfat, where my husband lived at the time. The community there is absolutely wonderful, and they made much of the wedding. The food was cooked by four wonderful women, and we paid only for the actual cost of the food. The music was done by his friends- we paid for equipment they needed. The decorations were generously supplied and arranged by a friend of a friend who has a catering business- we paid for transportation. The dishes were color coordinated plastic (which as an environmentally conscious person, I now am not so happy with). The makeup was done by a friend for free, hair was inexpensive. The photography was done for free by our friend’s parents, who are professional photographers (http://www.freedphoto.com/). The dress was one of the most expensive parts, and that was sort of a mistake. I planned on sewing my own dress but two weeks before the wedding finally acknowledged to myself that I was no master seamstress. Was going to wear a turquoise dress but father asked me not to, so one week before the wedding rented a gown. Could have had one sewn for about $125 dollars, but forgot about that option then.

    We wanted to get married outside and save on the hall, but we got married in January so that wasn’t an option.

  19. Totally agree with Ezzie, I wish I had access to some of the money invested in the 5-6 hour affair, not to mention the expenses for 7brachos to which we didn’t even want to go (except Shabbes)

  20. I wouldn’t have spent any more money, but like Maya I might have spent a bit more time making sure my hair looked like what I had in mind (still looked lovely, but I originally wanted something a little different).

  21. Most married people I have spoken to remember their wedding to be much nicer than it actually was. Anyway, no one ever watches the video or pictures afterwards. Save your money and vacation instead!

  22. No, I don’t. I wish I’d done a couple things differently, but a fancier wedding? Nahh…maybe just more put-together, instead of last-minute. And honestly? When I had my son, a year after we got married, people were still coming up to me occasionally to tell me that our wedding was one of the most special, simcha’dik weddings they’d ever been to. Soo…

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