Thursday (Not Friday) Not-So-Repost: Let Him Do the No-ing

Another thought that came to me while reading this post was how much easier life is when the other person says no for you.

It’s always easier when the other side gives the “no.” You can sigh with relief, secure in the knowledge that it was mutual, and when you’re 45 and still single, well, you weren’t the one who turned this one down.

But, let’s face it: you’re funny, generous, charming, good-looking, deep, kind, etc. There’s no reason for the average guy to turn you down. How can you make a DOA date reject you?

Here are a few techniques that have been tested and proven in the field. Feel free to add your own.

–          Make everything about you. Whatever he’s talking about, it should remind you of the time you did something similar. Feel free to slide into his train of thought and run away with the conversation. Your story about the time you and your friends did that in camp is much more interesting than his anyway.

–          Make your sidebar whiny. Not only is it all about you, but it’s about your first-world problems. Well, he does want to meet you and learn about you, right? And your life is difficult in its own unique way. It should be interesting.

–          Know your stuff. Are you a doctor or a PhD in biomolecular psychology? Make sure to showcase your knowledge. Often. About everything that you do, see, eat, read, or discuss. Bonus points if you can apply it to analyze his relatives and friends.

–          Know his stuff. Many people base a large part of their self-worth on their career success or specialized knowledge. If you can speak familiarly about his arcane subject, you take some of the air out of his blimp. It need not be a technical subject. I once, purely accidentally, embarrassed a fellow who’d described his love of canoeing just by mentioning class IV rapids.

Note: this does not work on nerds. Nerds see knowledge as a source of joy, not a source of power. They will be so overjoyed to find a female who can discuss server networking with them that they’ll immediately dial the shadchan to schedule a second date. To discuss server networking.

–          Disagree with him. When he brings up a minor worldview matter, take the opposing side. Firmly. It need not be anything important. Successfully used subjects: whether to spy on a spouse’s internet usage; whether it’s better to live IT or OOT; whether YU is evil or not; or whether it’s okay to buy German products. Your date will be disconcerted at his inability to impress his views upon you, not to mention your sheer idiocy in maintaining a differing perspective.

Hopefully, by applying a few of these techniques, you can convince your dates to turn you down first, and save you the trouble.

Thanks DiT for contributing your experience. 


8 thoughts on “Thursday (Not Friday) Not-So-Repost: Let Him Do the No-ing

  1. the sad thing is, i have been out with guys who did every one of these things, and i can almost swear they thought they were selling points

  2. How many times I have come home, fingers crossed, “Lethimsaynolethimsaynolethimsaynopleasepleaseplease.”

    For instance, if he wasn’t an absolute jerk and has basic intelligence, I don’t feel as though “He’s not for me” is sufficient reason to turn down another date. But I don’t want to go out with him again. Often my knowledge of Greek mythology and English monarchy safely scares them off, but every once in a while a guy is not so accommodating.

  3. did you ever use game theory on SYAS? sometimes you can take a calculated risk and accept a match you have no desire to date because the prospective match is very likely to decline, which means your “match accepted” stats go up and the judgmental shadchan doesn’t get on your case for being picky.

  4. The only issue with that is that now they will never set you up with any of their friends, who may very well be good for you.

    They may set you up with friends with same idiotic opinions you espoused on the date, and end up very confused when the they talk about you after the 2nd friend says no “she said she hates YU!!!” “What do you mean? She told me YU was the greatest thing since german automobiles”

  5. i hope readers realize that this post has implicit [sarcasm][/sarcasm] tags around it. (On one forum I frequent people post sarcastic comments in red text)

    For those readers upon whom sarcasm does not register, remember the Gemara which states: חברך חברא אית ליה וחברא דחברך חברא אית ליה
    i.e., people talk. You probably don’t want to be known as the selfish, whiny, know-it-all, show off, who is disagreeable — unless that is an accurate description of you. Then you probably want to be set up with people who LIKE people like that.

  6. Sweetheart, if you do this, you’ll never get another date again with ANYBODY. Just saying.

    After the first two hours of my husband and I’s first date, I prayed to Hashem that his feelings wouldn’t be too hurt when I said no. Turns out the next two hours were great- and mulling it over overnight was all I needed to really really be interested in him. And date number two to be crazy about him. 🙂

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