Living in the Now?

Sometimes, I really hate feminism for making us all have to work, instead of staying home, cultivating hobbies, and making dinner every night.

Then, sometimes I really love it for making it possible for us to spend our time productively, even if we’re single.

It is a female habit to analyze every change in one’s life against the effect it will have on a hypothetical future family. How will I handle kids and this job? How will  I support a learner on this income? If I get electrolysis, will it all be undone by pregnancy hormones? If I get a job in finance, what will I do if my future husband wants to live in Kansas City? Do I really want to get promoted if it means working longer hours that will keep me from being at home when my kids get off the bus from school? And on and on.

A few days ago, eating tuna out of a can on a business trip in Manitoba, similar thoughts crossed my mind. And suddenly I realized: that’s a really stupid way to approach life.  Imagine if I’d done that 6 years ago. Where would I be right now? Definitely not in Manitoba. Imagine all the things I’d have missed out, hugging the metropolitan area, working part time, living a family-oriented life with no family to orient around.

You can always rearrange your career later, if necessary. Why downgrade ahead of time in anticipation of what might never be?

So, my resolution for the next six years is not to worry about the hypothetical. I’ll just live my life based on my current life, which is one situation I know I can count on being in (for nine months at least).

10 thoughts on “Living in the Now?

  1. great post bad4! reminds me of a saying “don’t leave before you leave” – meaning dont plan to leave your current position to make time for your family until you have reached the ideal sort of position you want to attain. in other words, don’t settle and hold back your career ambitions if you dont even have kids yet, let alone a husband.

  2. Um soferet couldn’t disagree more. You are married for the majority of your life, so you better plan for it rather than sticking your head in the sand. That doesn’t mean change now, but it means to accommodate the future – e.g. be in a job where you CAN downgrade, even though it doesn’t mean you have to this very instant. I.e. try to get yourself in a nicely scalable profession.
    My 2c.

  3. Good point Gab. I agree. Also, while a single should def. enjoy her life, she shouldn’t put herself into a corner that will make it more difficult to get married.

  4. it’s easier to make and save money while single, and it’s nice to have savings when you get married. also, married people can still work full-time. and when your salary is more than childcare costs, it can even be worth it.

  5. Gab – i agree that a woman shouldnt make her career a priority over her family and ideally should pursue a job that can maintain a balance. but i think its also important for one to use the kochos Hashem gives us to the best of our abilities, be it doctor, artist, teacher, or CEO. ive seen women who gave up on pursuing their dreams and settled for a career that they arent even happy in for the more flexible hours -and they still arent married and left wondering if they should have spent those years becoming what they really wanted to be doing after all.

  6. Then I think we actually find ourselves getting close to being on the same page: it is a very difficult situation.
    It is like saying giving up your dream now so you can live the dream in the future with a 80% probability, or live the dream now and sacrifice the dream future with a 20% probability.
    Which path you choose depends on if you a risk taker or not :p. But either way there are those that will be happy and those that won’t as these are only ‘probabilities’, which makes it hard to actually make the choice.

  7. I like this post. When you’re going to get married is not really in your control. I mean yes you need to do your hashtaglus – you need to meet shadcans, make a bio, etc etc. But more than that, let’s face it, it’s not something you can plan. So I’m all for “living in the now.”

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