Hanging Out With MFs

I found this post fully formed in my “Drafts” folder. If it’s already been posted once, I apologize. If not, enjoy. Either way, be warned. 

Why I Don’t Like It:

1 – You have those husbands in near or close orbit. We can pretend they don’t exist, but that delusion only lasts about until their presence comes and smacks us in the head. (Like when we want to sing zemiros, or flop on the couch, or eat dinner out.)

2 – When two people marry, they seem to form some weird, unspoken book of rules that they live by. Sometimes we hear about these rules via “My husband doesn’t let” and sometimes it’s more discreet, like when you go real still and say, “No, let’s not do that.” Either way, we keep banging into these walls that never existed before. It’s like doing a maze blindfolded. Everything we do is some kind of faux pas, either due to the husband, or due to the kids: current or future.

3 – Once you have a kid and a half you’re always tired. This makes us feel guilty for sapping your energy with our non-somnolent entertainment options. We spend the entire time wondering if you’re enjoying our company or if you’d rather be sleeping, which makes us less inclined to pop in or invite ourselves over. The only time you seem completely engaged in the activity is when we’re shopping. In the supermarket. I’m not objecting to socializing over fruit purchases, I just wish you’d look half as interested when we do other stuff.

4 – Your completely pooped mien is not exactly an advertisement for marriage. Who invented this housekeeping-mothering-working ideal anyway? Visiting MFs makes me determined to drop out of the working mom class the minute I become a mom. My husband beware. Watching MFs busy with all the work marriage dumps on them makes one want to retreat to the singles crowd, where marriage is this simple, cure-all business to be looked forward to.

Why I Like It:

Well, who doesn’t like to watch happily married couples be happily married? Hinei matov umana’im, etc.

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9 thoughts on “Hanging Out With MFs

  1. Hmm- as a married person, I like it when my friends and my husband make friends with each other, but get very uncomfortable with how to manage when they don’t get along… (Ditto in reverse about my husband’s friends.) It definitely changes the vibe- but we work hard to keep our single friends… I hate the “now we’re married, we only hang out with other marrieds” thing- and I don’t think it’s healthy for the community at large, either.

  2. definitely had my share of run-ins with friends’ spouses, but i don’t really care much for hanging out with or as couples. husband otherwise engaged- i play with my friends. husband around- he takes absolute precedence. having dedicated friends-time is much more comfortable (for ME, not just them) than juggling them and the spouse.

  3. Ahh, stolen moments discussing girly things (not like “Shopping!” but like embarrassing girly things) while the husband/s is/are otherwise occupied…

  4. Here’s why we’re always so tired: The weight of responsibility. Obviously- singles have responsibilities too. Being a conscientious employee/student is a responsibility. If you live on your own- food and keeping house for yourself are responsibilities. However- I do distinctly recall being 23 and a half and single and relishing the fact that I was free to pretty much do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I could spend my money how I wanted to and I took comfort in the fact that although I didn’t have the blessing of a husband and children- I also had no worries about the crushing responsibility of providing for and raising a child. Just the word “chinuch” now sends chills down my spine. It’s such an awesome responsibility. And you never give them back. You’re the one everyone gives them back to. I truly believe that the emotional weight of building a home and raising children (in the physical and spiritual sense) has us all exhausted out of our noodles.

  5. I can relate to the aforementioned sentiments. I think these (and other) feelings are the underlying basis of why I haven’t reconnected with more of my married friends across the pond. We’re just in different places in life, and I’d rather not feel like someone spending time with me is another chore to cross off their list.

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