I’m Ready Now!

I was skimming some old posts when I found one about how I wouldn’t want to marry the first guy I dated because I don’t know enough about guys to make an important decision liked that without comparison. I was worried that maybe all guys were super-awesome, and if I took the first one, I’d be giving up the even-more-super-awesome guys waiting in line.

That was four years and 28 guys ago. At this point, I think I’ve seen what’s out there. I’m ready to go. So, where’s the super-awesome dude who is going to blow all the rest of them out of the water? Please ring my doorbell and invite me out for a bike ride.

17 thoughts on “I’m Ready Now!

  1. You’re at least 20 guys too late … your zivug you turned away because you didn’t like the way he forgot to hold the door open for you. Metinks you need to lower your requirements a shtickle and be more honest …. so he doesn’t knock your socks off, eh? but he’ll be a loyal husband and fulfil the requirements of that Ketubah he’s going to write for you at the chasanah.
    And this applies also to the boys out there … grow up and cheerfully the responsibilities of the contract. The going out with the guys on beer hall night are over.

  2. I highly doubt someone with Bad4’s intellect turned down someone strictly because of no door-opening skills. Only someone who got married at 21 can claim everyone else is being too picky.

    We all have our areas of struggle. And believe it or not, but finding someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life is not so simple, or easy. Plenty of us are out there who do not have insanely high standards, but have not yet met the right one.

    Not everyone was meant to be married at 21. Shocking, but true. The older I get, the happier I am because I didn’t marry at 21. I definitely was not ready.

    Am I ready now? Maybe I think so, but God knows better.

  3. Ditto of everything Princess Lea said. If I had got married when I started dating I think it would have been a disaster both emotionally and financially.

  4. Everything happens for a reason. I recently got engaged and my to-be-wife is 29 – and she has spent a long time looking. Once you are finally engaged (bh very soon) it suddenly becomes apparent why you only met then. Well that was true at least for me – and I know that even if we met up 6 months b4 we did it likely would not have worked out.
    Thankfully I now have the benefit of reflection. For those of you still in the moment and searching, have bitachon that all will work out for the best. Put in hishtadlut but still have bitachon, and always keep happy, as He does know what’s best.

  5. Have you ladies and gentlemen ever heard of the term MENSCHLICHKEIT? if not, ask your favourite Aunt Sara for an explanation.I was taught a SHTICLE DERECH ERETZ by observing the way my father , alav hashalom, behaved as well as from his generation. I only gave the holding open doors as a small example of general behaviour traits overlooked by this younger generation – and looking at the other end of the scale I notice this generation has more split ups and divorces per marriage than any other… just ask your grandpa when he got married if he remembers hearing how many family tragedies existed. but today statistics point to 1 in 2 first marruiages end in divorce. [more on this later] .

  6. Princess Lea says “And believe it or not, but finding someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life is not so simple, or easy. Plenty of us are out there who do not have insanely high standards, but have not yet met the right one.”

    My dear Princess Lea … It’s not “someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life” but that you can give your “all” to that spouse and this is spelled out clearly in the ketubah that the man writes and signs and is witnessed and then is read publicly in front of all those present at the chupah…. One little phrase “B’Siyata Dishmaya [With the help of G-d}… I will Honor you.”. That means making her first place in your life Rabbi Shalom Arush explains this clearly in his book the Garden of Peace for Men. Ladies, he has also written another book especially for you called Women’s Wisdom.
    Rabbi Arush has an amazing recording of saving and enhancing marriages in Israel. I personally have never read any other books on Jewish marriage that explain this concept as well.

  7. DAL: I’m not exactly sure why you are lecturing a woman about what a man is required to give her; I am well aware. When I said “being able to tolerate someone,” I also meant someone who I can see myself giving my all. Not every Tom, Dick, and Harry is worthy of my “all.”

    And when you speak of menshlachkeit, I must concur that is quite rare; ergo, my single state. I don’t care if a guy does or doesn’t open a door for me; I care when he feels a burning need to insult me within the first few minutes of conversation.

    This conversation seems to have gotten off point.

  8. you can look for mr. super-awesome, but you will be disappointed. try looking for mr. right-for-you. chances are he won’t be blowing anyone out of any water on the first date.

  9. Again I wish to state that Princess Lea is right about the man who has a need to insult her within the first few minutes of conversation….One is required to honor his wife and if he is already feeling a need to insult his future potential wife dump him ASAP and advise him to seek some counselling.

  10. The scene:

    I was sitting on the low wall on Agron Street, on the south edge of Gan Ha’Atzma’ut and I hear a maidel and a bochur on bikes trying to figure out how to get to Gan HaPa’amonim. As they approach me they slow on account of their puzzlement. I’ve overheard enough that I tell them to turn left on to Keren HaYesod/Melech George. They speed off.

    They are frum, I am not. I think to myself, “either they are brother and sister, or they are having a really great date.” If the latter, they were the first frum daters I had seen not sitting uncomfortably at opposite ends of a park bench.

    What I infer from B4’s post is not that she is waiting for prince charming, but that “Super Awesome Dude” = “Thinks riding bikes is a great date idea.”

    Based on what I saw in Jerusalem, the idea may have merit.

  11. Iyhby writes .Wow, this conversation has gotten tense. I say you’re all too picky and are miserable to date and that is why you are single πŸ™‚
    I’m widowed and looking for a new wife I’ve been there and made mistakes too, but I do know that the divorce rate is higher because of errors in understanding menschlichkeit and a phrase in the ketubah that i mentioned earlier.
    as for me being picky I’m not picky at all …
    For the record I’ll state what i seek and if any of you are interested i’ll give you my email address.
    The lady i seek is a shomer Shabbas ZAFTIG ba’alat Chesed who loves herself, and knows I’m over 60, Young at heart, widowed. .

  12. I like this post a lot. From your keyboard to God’s computer screen…
    PS agreed with ASDFGHJKL re: first dates. Every first date I’ve ever had has been very, very average.

  13. To David Aharon Lindzon, you are making a lot of assumptions. Yes, I have seen people reject shiduchim for the flimsiest, stupidest of reasons – picky doesn’t begin to describe it. But, there are plenty of people who simply have not found the right person. I’m talking about people who just want a mentsh who they find reasonably attractive, who they can have a conversation with and who will accept them for who they are. Oh, and being on the same general page hashkaficly and general goals-wise helps, too. I don’t think that that’s being “picky” in the least bit.

  14. David Aharon, you know, I generally am a nice person and don’t criticize people. But I think it was uncalled for of you to make such a statement about Bad4 without knowing her at all.

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