Thursday Link: Looking for the Wrong Person

Courtesy of Stone Soup by way of After:


When you’re over the hill, it’s time to start dropping your standards. Someone you’d have turned up your nose at a few years ago should be considered a fine prospect now. Because being married — just married — is more important.


6 thoughts on “Thursday Link: Looking for the Wrong Person

  1. For a Jewish man, maybe. But I don’t want to be just married- what’s the point if I can’t raise a good Jewish family with the guy?

  2. I an not sure I agree, unless the previously-held standards were spurious (cf. benos tzlafchad, whom the midrash criticizes for having rejected potential mates due to silly standards). Otherwise, one should never “settle for less” just because of age.

    It’s not always easy knowing what is important and what is silly. My chavrusa said that he really felt that matured in shidduchim when he realized that his list was almost useless.

  3. There are two areas to look at. Firstly, there are so many things that people want that, on more mature consideration, are really silly. Then there are the things that are not silly, but still not something to keep someone from being a good partner. A lot of personality type things fall into that category.

  4. Midrash Rabah, Kohelet, chapter 1, paragraph 34:
    “Rabbi Yudan taught in the name of Rabbi Aybu:
    No person leaves this world with even half his desires fulfilled.”

    When I first discovered the Midrash shown above, I assumed that it was teaching only about money.

    Now, I realize it also teaches about shidduchim.

  5. I agree with the previous posters that it’s hard to know when a standard is silly. My husband went to Chofetz Chaim and for some reason listed himself as “culturally Jewish but not practicing” on jdate because he was so much less observant than his upbringing. Being what I thought was inclusive, I checked every single hashkafic box on jdate except “culturally Jewish” which to me means “only celebrates Chanukah but not other Jewish holidays”, so I only saw his profile when he contacted me. Meanwhile, he only saw my profile after I moved 40 miles.

  6. every time I’ve tried to be flexible with my standards I realized that the labels are not just labels. There are real differences between people with label X and Y- differences that are sure to cause strife in a marriage.

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