I Scrubbed My Brain, But the Stain is Still There

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that a guy called a friend to ask about me, but insisted on remaining anonymous.

He wasn’t completely anonymous, though. Based on his questions, I pegged him as dead-on yeshivish. And based on his area code, he was apparently from Monsey.

And I have a problem with yeshivish guys from Monsey.

Someone who self-described as “yeshivish” solicited a friend on a (admittedly skeezy) Jewish dating website.

Now, whenever I hear about a possible match with a yeshivish guy from Monsey, I wonder: could that be him?

I know this soliciting sleazebag is about 31 years old. I know he still lives with his parents. While that’s not enough to identify a secret skank beyond a shadow of a doubt, it’s enough to cast a shadow on a very small population subset.

Is that good enough reason to refuse to go out with 31-year-old yeshivish men from Monsey who live with their parents?

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13 thoughts on “I Scrubbed My Brain, But the Stain is Still There

  1. I was never of the opinion that older singles are too picky but this seems to sound like you’re heading in that direction, Bad4. Be careful please.

  2. It probably depends on how small a population of 31 yr old Monsey guys exists. If this is 3 guys, avoiding all of them is probably reasonable. If this is 3,000 guys, maybe not so much. I know “hashkafah” is very important here, but I wonder if you would date modern orthodox guys who probably are “earners”, maybe chabad guys who are shlichim (and sort of earners in a weird way), or are you limiting yourself only to yeshivish guys who are “earners”? (I don’t have any particular men in mind, so this is not intended for a set up, but rather a question of how broad a group of men are you willing to consider). I imagine that a conservative guy, even strict, would be unacceptable since he’s likely not shomer shabbat, and even if he is, he’s not going to want to study every evening. On the other end, I think you don’t seem interested in straight “learner” guys who have no plans to support a family.

  3. I happen to like guys who live at home. They must have beautiful savings.

    If a guy is yeshivish in the classical sense, that he is currently learning, shouldn’t he be living at home? How should he pay rent, exactly?

    Monsey is a big place, my sweet. It’s like saying that one Flatbush boy wasn’t nice on a date so that’s it, out-of-towner or bust.

    So, the guy’s a dreck. You write as though this is the first time you have come across this sub-species.

    Do you need public approval not to go out with this guy? You could have stopped by yeshivish.

  4. 31 year olds living with their parents in Monsey? I wouldn’t think that’s too many people. Anyway, you’ll find out his sleazebag status as soon as you date him.

  5. By “soliciting” your friend on the Jewish dating site, he was fulfilling the purpose of said site, though soliciting isn’t exactly the nicest word to use, unless your friend is a prostitute. In any case, you have very little proof of his supposed “skeevy-ness”, so take a chance. You never know, he could be a reformed sleazebag. I agree with Princess Lea, if you want a Yeshivish guy, he’ll either be living in Yeshiva, or with his parents, having no money at his disposal to live anywhere else.

  6. A gentleman soliciting women on a dating site may actually not have been honest about his age, hometown or even marital status.

  7. There are SO VERY MANY reasons to avoid at all cost any 31 yr old yeshivish guys who still live with their parents in Monsey. No need to obsess with itemization of the list, dear.

  8. Shira – he wouldn’t be. But I’d probably date him just in case. I don’t turn guys down before a date unless they do something that’s really a turn-off.

    Conservative SciFi – Turns out there’s a lot of room between yeshivish-learning and conservative Judaism.

    Miriam – Not sure how knowing someone called but not who they are is kind. Now you know that someone out there turned you down, but you don’t know who. If you’re the type to get upset about being rejected, what’s worse than having an infinite number of possible rejectors?

    Mindy – I’m sure he keeps the facade up fine when he’s offline.

    ChananotHannah – Dating websites are there so singles can arrange to meet in motels together? My God I’m naive!

  9. I am sure any 31 year old single men in Monsey who live with their parents appreciate the fact that now all their friends are looking at them and wondering, “wait, is he the ‘soliciting sleazebag secret skank’?”

  10. Here’s what you do:
    Go out with every 31 year old single yeshivish guy in Monsey.
    Make sure you have a friend on hand filming the entire date with sound and following wherever you go.
    At some point, tell him this story and say “I know I posted that that creeped me out, but my brother says that that guy has some guts and I should totally date him. I’d be really curious to know who he is.”
    Pause and wait for a response.
    You’ll know when you have him.

  11. Bad4, you had me lol’ing at “skeezy.” I’ll have to remember “skank” for future use — it’s such an excellent word, connotative of “skunk,” “crank” and other such complimentary adjectives.
    @Miriam: I’ll definitely be wondering that from now on. Hope I can keep a straight face when coming across any such characters 🙂
    And I have to agree with T above! Let us know how it goes!

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