Not a Good Wingwoman

I was at the mixed-orthodox shul with a friend who we shall call Morah. We were standing around, nibbling on our chulent, when Morah said, “There’s a guy eyeing us from across the room. Here he comes…”

“Hi!” Guy introduced himself brightly. “I’m new to the neighborhood and trying to meet people. I’m Guy, who are you?”

We surreptitiously checked his fingers for a ring, and, finding none, introduced ourselves in turn.

“I’m Morah and I’m a preschool teacher.”

Guy smiled at her and turned to me.

“I’m Bad4 and I’m a neurochemist.”

Guy made a 45-degree body turn back to Morah and smiled. “I also work with small children!”

They chatted about small children and classrooms for another 15 minutes while I finished my chulent and wandered off to get something to drink. Neither noticed me going.

“Well what was he supposed to say?” Morah defended Guy later. “He probably had no idea what a neurochemist does.”

“Most people don’t. That doesn’t stop them from saying ‘I guess you look at brains a lot, huh?’ or ‘so you blow up neurons?’ He didn’t even try.”

“Well it’s just that you intimidated him,” Morah soothed me, like I was a small child having a melt down. She’s good at that. Only that’s really not what I needed to hear.

A medically inclined friend of mine went to a singles event a few weeks ago, where she sat next to a lawyer and a preschool teacher at the speed dating section.

“It was set up that two guys would come sit down at a table with three girls and you’d do introductions,” she said. “So every time two guys would come sit down and we’d do the intros, who are you, what do you do, who are you, what do you. And we go ‘doctor, lawyer, preschool teacher.’ And they nod and smile and say that’s nice, and proceed to physically turn and talk to the preschool teacher.”

The lesson is, preschool teachers make rotten wingwomen.

There is clearly something about women who spend their entire day chasing small children that men just simply cannot resist. Why this is I couldn’t say, but women be warned: stay away from those preschool teachers when you’re trawling for men.

Or better yet—tell them you teach preschool too! Then you can snag the guy, go on a date, and get to know him. If things go well, you can tell him you’re applying for jobs as a scapula surgeon, to break him into the idea. If he can get over your alleged career change, you’re good to go. If he can’t… well, time to start applying for preschool jobs.

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32 thoughts on “Not a Good Wingwoman

  1. Whaaaaat. I’ve heard if anything that guys get a bit bored with hearing about girl after girl in the therapy/education fields (not that there’s anything wrong with them- the professions, that is).
    What’s a mixed-orthodox shul?

  2. My first reaction was you should just say “a chemist”, which is slightly less intimidating.

    But you shouldn’t. You want a guy who won’t be intimidated by you, who will value what you do.

    FTR, in my single days I would have turned 45 degrees away from the pre-school teacher and said “really? is that a sort of eating disorder?”.

    Also, you should go for learning guys; they’re not nispoel from all the education, since they figure they’re smart enough to do it all and that yeshiva is harder (former yeshiva guy here agrees with them). And they figure if you have a good job you’ll be able to support them.

  3. I very much share Mike S.’s experience. When I was single and people would start talking about how they know tons of girls can’t find shidduchim because guys are intimidated by them intellectually, I would say that this is exactly what I am looking for, and that I would love to get a few names of such girls. No one ever got back to me.

  4. Serious question: If, as you state on the banner of your blog, you find being single to be so much fun, then why do continue playing the dating game, with all the narishkeit that it entails?

  5. Leah: Yes, but if the alternative is going through all the crap of the dating world, why should it be worth changing the status quo of being single?

  6. I’m going on the generally accepted premise that being married is actually quite nice, and worth a bit of effort. While I admit to being a little doubtful, based on the evidence, it still seems like an ideal worth chasing.

    I also don’t find “all the crap of the dating world” all that awful. I mean it’s not as fun as not-dating. But it has its perks, its interesting moments, and its benefits too. Plus, I get a blog out of it.

  7. When my mom was single in the ’60’s she had a friend who had an MA and was teaching college-level physics. She didn’t date as the physics prof. She told guys at parties that she taught nursery school and had plenty of attention. My mom met a guy at a party who she thought would be good for her friend and prepared him by saying “she’s going to tell you she teaches nursery school but she actually teaches physics…” 40 plus years later the friend and the guy are still married.

  8. New York Jew, I was talking to an acquaintance who is planning on entering medical school. Talking about her special friend/boyfriend, she said that she doesn’t want to get serious )(as if she isn’t already) because that would distract her from school. I looked at her like she fell off the moon. To me, medical school would be filled with a huge void if I didn’t have a steady partner.

    And that’s why (some) people date. Because they want to find that partner.

  9. But fortunately for you there are a huge amount of geek single boys in neuroscience (in neurochemestry I don’t know but in computational neuroscience a lot). Unfortunately they usually don’t go out a lot and won’t spontaneously go to talk with girls. That’s why grad school is the best place to date.

  10. I have to admit, I’m one of the guys who finds himself frustrated by the dearth of intellectual women. In fact, I find it surprising to read in the comments that there are many who find guys intimidated by their brains!

    I’m totally the opposite, when I hear that someone is studying “xxx therapy” or “xxx social work” that is a negative in my book…I’m willing to bet that I’m in the minority though.

  11. @Gary: right, see, that’s been my experience with guys as well. Although I’m a bit of a geek/misfit myself, and I ran/run with a bit more of a modern crowd than Bad4 seems to, so I (gasp) hung out with geek/misfit boys (and girls) growing up, and then I dated them and met their geeky friends and that was my pool of people to gauge what “guys in general” are interested in. So I agree with miaou – the guys are out there, but maybe in places you’re not looking.

    Ironically, my husband is much more likely than me to end up in a therapy-related field (he’s aiming for a graduate degree in psychology). He jokes about me being smarter than him 🙂 (honestly, maybe I’m better at school, but not smarter). He’s a geek in his own way as well. And he is definitely better with people than I am.

  12. adina – that’s awesome. But you see I wasn’t the first to notice the preschool teacher phenomenon.

    I do go out with a lot of geeky guys, but nothing ever seems to come of it. Possibly because we wind up talking about aromantic things like PhD theses. Or maybe I just haven’t found the right thesis to ask about.

  13. comments can be broken into two categories: 1: that’s a cute observation.
    2: I’m too smart to want silly preschool teachers or I am smarter than….

  14. Besides, for me the problem always was that people were setting me up with these scientists and whatnot who they thought were “brainy”, but they were really all a bunch of intellectual lightweights.

    I mean, think about it, science is the study of how the world works–there is literally no creative thought in it. All you do is observe what already exists. I’d much rather date a smart nursery teacher.

  15. As a guy, I respectfully disagree with the post. I’d have been nice to the teacher, but a neurochemist would have intrigued me more. It takes brains (pun intended) to do something like that, and it”s refreshing when a girl breaks free of the tiresome PT/OT/Special Ed routine.

    The right guy is coming! Hatzlacha!

  16. Yossi, and then your next question would be “you mean that when you see a bug you say ‘wow how interesting’ and not ‘oh, yuck’?”

  17. Suds,
    I wouldn’t ask that. To me that question seems immature: If you chose that field, doesn’t it mean that you like what you do?
    The answers all revolve around the main question I asked.

  18. The “Guy” sounds like the type who is looking for the cheerleader wife and not an equal. Guys get the “ezer” part but not the “k’negdoh.” more like “li’mah’tuh.”

  19. What is it with Israeli shuls and being opposed to mixed kiddushes? (or kiddushes in generla, in many cases) There would be so many opportunities to find a shidduch otherwise…

  20. Pingback: What’s Your No-Beer Answer? | Bad for Shidduchim

  21. Pingback: I Think I’ve Seen You Before | Bad for Shidduchim

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