I am a humble, undemanding blogger. Week in and week out, for the past sevenish years, I have toiled to present you with quality kvetching on the vagaries of being single. I have lanced relationships and the chance at a cat-free future in order to blog for you on the subject of dating for perpetuity. I place no ads of my own (what you see is from WordPress), nor attempt in any way to monetize you, my dear readers. I ask nothing except that every few years you send me on a trip.
Last time it was Israel. You voted me in as the popular choice blogger to accompany and liveblog a Nefesh B’Nefesh trip. This time my request is less spiritual and tax-deductible.
Please send me to Switzerland.
I received the following email in my inbox this morning:
Hi Mr. Bad For Shidduchim 🙂I am a fan of your writing and thus reaching out because one of my clients has started a competition for Jewish writers. It’s a chance to win a week-long vacation at the only 4-star, 4-bedroom chalet-apartment in the picturesque car-free resort of Saas-Fee in the Swiss Alps, Switzerland . Plus it’s Kosher!It’s simple to apply: – be creative and describe in a comment why you deserve this vacation.If you are interested, see the link below:Thanks very much!Best,Ben HeligmanMarketing Assistant, J-Town Internet Services Ltd.
I’m a little bit skeptical that a “fan of my writing” doesn’t know that I’m not a Mister. But I’m stifling that because if this is legit, I want to be in on it. This appears to be a publicity stunt for a kosher Swiss chalet, and they want us bloggers to compete in a fierce, pen-slashing competition for the honor of being their publicist for a week.
I’m in! My gauntlet is down! My pen nub is sharp.
But why do I need this? Why should you follow that link and “Like” my comment?
(1) Well, consider pure charity. Here I am, a lonely old spinster, with no husband, no children, not even a cat to give me love or joy. Nothing but the daily grind of work, and coming home to a cold, empty apartment at night, where I’ll sit, despondent, next to the phone, waiting for shadchanim who never call.
I’m having trouble keeping a straight face here, but you can’t see that. So pity me.
(1)b …And give me an opportunity to date a European. I’ve been out with so many Americans unsuccessfully. Maybe it’s the breed. Maybe it’s time to sample another continent.
(2) Alternatively, I can promise you compensation. I will write inspirational posts drawing lofty metaphors between cloud-covered peaks and endurance dating. Or maybe less inspirational posts about secret bank accounts and shidduch profiles. It all sounds a little half-baked right now, but I’ll work on it from the chalet. Promise.
(3) Personal development is important, and goodness knows I need some. For example, I don’t know how to ski. Help me work on myself to become a better, more rounded person, the sort that would be able to strike up a conversation with another single on a ski slope.
(4) Save me from becoming a crazy cat lady—send me where I can get buried in an avalanche and rescued by a Saint Bernard with a casket of alcohol. Seriously, what does an older single need more than the love and snuggling of a big furry drooling dog and a keg of whiskey? Bliss. Crazy dog lady sounds so much cooler.
(5) And finally: Swiss ice cream meet, anyone?