So Many Options! Just Choose One.

beak up with five technologies]

 

Don’t get me wrong. Breaking up via text message is a little bit cowardly. But it’s better than breaking up via absenteeism.

Gentlemen, I’m curious: has a woman ever broken up with you simply by not returning you calls? That seems like the closest equivalent to break-up via non-calling, but I somehow can’t imagine it actually happening. Am I wrong?

I was recently charmed to be witness to the following: Girl went out with Guy. Guy never called back. After a week of waiting, Girl decides he’s not calling. Spends a month being peeved at him, gets over it.

Girl and Guy wind up at a Shabbos table together. Girl is charming (as usual). Guy shoots her a text after Shabbos trying to get back together again.

Girl: “Why now?”

Guy: “I guess you were just more pretty and fun than you were on the date.”

Girl: “Well the way you ‘broke up’ with me told me something about you, and I’m no longer interested.”

Burn.

No, not her comment. I mean the bridge. There is a reason why human beings strive to retain harmonious relationships with the people around them. It just makes life so much more pleasant. Also, you never know when you might decide to ask one of them out. Again.

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13 thoughts on “So Many Options! Just Choose One.

  1. This “dude” seems pretty clueless about being a mentsch in these situations. Also, about being at all persuasive in trying to get a girl to go out with you again. “You were just more pretty and fun this time” is not the sort of thing that would make me feel good about someone- whereas an apology for past misbehavior and explanation that didn’t cast aspersions on my behavior and appearance the previous time might.

    There have been times when break-up by technology (AIM chat, back in the day) was fine. If there hasn’t been a deep investment of energy, or if it has been dying slowly for a while, I think that a break-up that isn’t face-to-face is just fine. But it does, I think, need to be in a format where both people can talk, not just one.

  2. Totally agree with Maya. Yes if you cant be face to face and are too shy to call its much better to text and end things than ignore the other person if you are within 4-5 dates. It still doesn’t make it right (you should really call) but its better than not letting the other person know where you stand. Once an investments has been made (say 1-6 months) at the very minimum you have to call and if its a commuted long term relationship it should ideally be face to face. There is no excuse for not lettign the other person know where you stand in a relationship and ignoring them for a month. total lack of derech eretz.

  3. Yes, a girl has broken up with me by simply ignoring my calls and emails, after we had been together for quite a long time.

  4. @Bad4, good call by your friend to not to give this loser another try, now days with text / email technology there is no excuse for not responding.

    I never been in situation were a girl dumped me after a date by not return my calls. There were few times were I called to set up a 2nd date & they would not pick and call me back with very awkward / mean rejections. I am unsure why they could not stick with the standard “ you are nice guy, but I do not think we will work out…” type of stuff over text / email. Anyway it’s their loss.

    Generally, within first couple of dates, I think it’s preferable to do the rejection by text / email (as long as no long commute was involved), there is no reason to call & tell the person that s/he is not good enough. After the relationship has been established, telephone / face to face is preferable if one feels that their relationship is not going to make to the Chuppah.

  5. @Maya, “…But it does, I think, need to be in a format where both people can talk, not just one…” You could always send text or email back to the person.

  6. It is not the main topic here, but there are some toxic situations where the appropriate response is sending a letter and not letting the other party to answer (i.e. blocking them in all the possible ways and not even reading any response they come up with).

  7. Yes, what Ralph said- after 3 dates with a guy he did something so shocking I didn’t have the emotional energy to dump him on the phone, so I texted him that we aren’t meeting again.

  8. SG- He told his mom something I told him about myself, and then he allowed her to question me on the phone about it. This was after 3 dates. It was a humialiting experience and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him again.

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