Sincerely Sparkling

You know all those guys who say they want a girl with a “sparkling personality”? I’ve always wondered what that meant. Okay, maybe I haven’t.  While I can’t define it exactly, I know it when I see it. For example, I know I don’t sparkle, twinkle, or coruscate in any way. Whereas the classmate who got engaged twice within six months of high school graduation kind of did. And I’m nothing like her. (Heck, I haven’t gotten engaged once in seven years!)  So my SOP has always been to chuck those “sparkling personality” profiles as non-starters.

Shadchan: Why don’t you want to go out with him?

Me: He’s looking for a sparkler. I’m more a roman candle.

Well, I was at the Shabbos table of a couple, and The Wife was explaining how she knew that her Husband was The One for her. “I wanted a guy with fire in his eyes!” she gushed. “That enthusiasm! And he had it.”

“She just sparkled,” Husband gazed back adoringly. “She was what I was always looking for.”

My friend and companion leaned over the chulent and whispered in my ear, “Aren’t they such a cute couple?”

“Yes,” I whispered back. “But should it change it any that they’re grandparents?!”

“No!” she hissed. “They’re still an adorable couple.”

I suppose they were both still sparkling and flaming together. Whatever.

So I’m moving on to another word. In my old age, I’ve seen a large number of shidduch profiles. And do you know what every single guy puts on his “looking for” list? “Kind” or “caring” and “sincere.” Always sincere. What the heck does that mean? Sincere about what? Who isn’t sincere, aside from a sociopath? Even those disgustingly kind people who are nice to you only because they think you’re desperately lonely are, at least, sincere in their intentions. (Which are based on ameliorating their feelings more than yours, but hey, they really and sincerely mean well.) So can someone please describe to me an insincere woman? Or sincere one. Either will do.

20 thoughts on “Sincerely Sparkling

  1. You’re on the right track. Any guy who is relying on the gal to be upbeat 24 x 7 and to be unfailingly cheerful, & playful and ….probably isn’t that effervescent himself. You would have your work cut out for you and the last thing you need is a project like that. You’d be playing with, um, fire.

  2. “Sincere” and “sparkling personality” are just fluff that guys use when they haven’t given any real thought as to what they want in a mate. It’s sort of like how folks always put down “hanging out with friends” in the Interests section of their profiles – meaningless filler that indicates they haven’t put much thought into it.

  3. I never heard about “Sparkling personality”, maybe it’s yeshivish thing. But I guess it means outgoing personality, opposite of “sleeping beauty” type.

    Unfortunately, I had experiences were I would go out with a girl, she would just sit there spacing out, not really saying anything. Also, some time they would not put zero afford in their grooming / appearance, sometimes looking like they just waken up and like they slept in cloth they are wearing. It’s a big shadna.

  4. As far as “sincere” means that they have at least basic idea what they are looking for. Unlike, us guys, women are more complex and need difference things to keep them happy. For average guy, marital bless is getting f & f and when wife keeps extra drama (nagging, bad mouthing mother-in-law, etc) under control. For ladies this would not be enough, so they should be upfront what they looking for.

  5. SG- my dater can see me after I just did field work, in schlumpy dirty clothes and hair a mess and not be bothered. Just a note to you and others that not all men think like you. The right man will appreciate a woman just the way she is.

  6. @b, this is not the point. Yes, if the guy find woman overall attractive, clothing & hair would not be that important. It’s about the afford put into getting ready for a date that counts. If a person cares, they would put elementary afford into it (this is true for both ladies & gentlemen). I do not think it shows good middos, if person just blows this off w/ if it’s going to be bershet it’s going to happen anyway or s/he will likely anyway type of excuses for laziness and carelessness.

  7. @b :
    1) If you doing field work at client’s place, why would you not look presentable? (Do you work as auditor?)
    2) You never can be sure if it’s bother your date or not, so why would you not want to put your best foot forward?
    3) I am unsure what you mean by ”Just a note to you and others that not all men think like you.” & “The right man will appreciate a woman just the way she is.” But we, single frum men, do not ask for much, just to put reasonable afford in basic appearance and do what most or all women do every day before leaving the house without much thought. Also to act with minimum derech charetz during the date.

  8. @b – You dress up for a date because you respect the other person. Yes, he should like you because you’re you…but does that “you” have no decent respect?

  9. I think you can be casual on a date but you should always look nice- just basic respect for someone else. How would you feel if someone came by smelling of sweat and with ketchups stains on his shirt?

  10. SG- different kind of field work, the kind you do in an actual field. Yes, I think it’s common decency to not be smelly and to look neat and clean for a date, but if you aren’t the type to wear fancy clothes, style your hair, put on makeup- don’t do it.

  11. @b, of course if you look good al natural that by all means do it. I was just beginning to worry that you trying to push, C’V, all types of this neo-feminist hashafos.

  12. @b, No. I just concern that you bought into all of this BS that neo-feminst try to push & mess up modern women. I strongly believe that for average straight male looks are important, but of course they need to complemented with the right personality to make marriage work.

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