A Sincere Apology

I owe you guys an apology.

If you’re reading this, then you’re awesome. You keep coming back, trusting me to put up fresh, interesting content, and  I have been letting you down recently. And, unfortunately, I am about to let you down even more.

A couple of years ago I tried writing a VBA program  to  simulate the dating process. When I ran my code, it got caught in an infinite loop. Taking this as a stamp of realism, I abandoned the virtual dating code and went back to reality’s dating code.  I was living in the infinite loop, going out with new guys every few months on an endless reel of first and second dates.

Well, recently, a software developer offered to help me drop out of the loop.

And I accepted.

This makes me an NEF, the butt of my own jokes, and no longer suitable to author this blog. With this post, I tender my resignation, effective immediately. Reposts will continue regularly until they reach today’s date. I sincerely apologize to everyone who is disappointed or inconvenienced in any way and wish you all the best.

PS: Since you are doubtless wondering: Blogging is both bad and good for shidduchim. Sometimes for the same shidduch.

PPS: And sometimes 42 really is the answer.

138 thoughts on “A Sincere Apology

  1. Mazal Tov! Glad you found someone perfect enough to drop out of the loop. My best wishes to the both of you (although you know that already :D).
    42?! Spill.

  2. Oh My Goodness!!! Mazal Tov!!!! Wow the day has come! Wishing you only the very very very best.
    Thank you for providing us with entertainment, controversy and a place to vent, empathize and laugh.
    Happy stargazing!

  3. I don’t know why you think an apology is necessary – your blog has been great fun to follow. Mazal tov!


    (Does that mean you’ll reveal your secret identity now? Or should we trawl OnlySimchas? Do people still OnlySimcha?)

    If he is anything like the companion/partner you described in your Picky post, sounds like a great match!

    Mazal tov!

  5. mazal tov! been waiting for this post since ive been reading your blog. i am sure he was worth waiting for. how did it feel to have friends screech for you? may the both of you have a wonderful life together, may you continue to make the decisions that are right for you, regardless of the norm.

  6. Mazal tov!! So happy you let us know!!
    May you build a BNB and go on to bigger and better things! A new life is starting now!

  7. Mazal Tov!! I have no idea who you are, but I’ve been reading you for years so I guess I got attached, I literally sent my husband an exclamation point laden text to tell him. I wish you a complex rich messy and fun life together. May you find joy and meaning in marriage without detracting from the value of the life you had before you met your less than punctual husband. Oh, and programmers rock. It is known.

  8. Mazal tov!! I’ve been reading your blog for years, never posted before, but as a total stranger, I’m so happy for you! May you have lots of joy and build a beautiful home!

  9. Mazel Tov!!!! May you be zoche to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.

    I know that it would be too much to assume, but I feel great that it is *possible* that my brocha to you that the next caller you had after your Sep 17, 2013 post would be your chosson had something to do with it. ( https://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/cause-for-celebration/#comment-24103 )

    Yes, I know that your chosson is the same guy you had posted about on Sep. 17, so he is not really the next guy, but in some technical sense, when you went out with him the very next time after my brocha post, he was “your next caller.”

    Nu, in any case did you end up comparing graphs with him? ( https://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/cause-for-celebration/#comment-24111 )

  10. Mazal Tov!!! This is the greatest news ever!! Dare I say it is also a bit bittersweet for your readers??! I was definitely rooting for you, and am so happy you found the one. I would love if you can share your ‘newly engaged’ prospective to help out those of us who are still stuck in the infinite loop.. I hope your family continues to celebrate happy occasions!

  11. Mazal tov!

    I hate that you will stop blogging though – so many fantastic women’s voices are being silenced by marriage – just when they may have the most to offer (okay, yeah, with the least free time, but still). If there’s a new topic that works for you – please consider keeping the side job?!

  12. Mazel Tov!!!! I’ve been reading your blog for years but never had the guts to comment until today. I don’t even know who you are but I’m SO happy for you! Your blog saw me through dating, marriage and two kids…PLEASE don’t stop!

  13. You cracked (hacked?) the code! There, that wasn’t so difficult, was it? :>) Even though the dating treadmill and its endless loop can be retired, please keep us in the loop on how you’re getting on. You’re too good of a writer to stop now.

  14. MAZAL TOV!!!!!!!!

    עוֹד יִשָׁמַע
    בְּעַרֵי יְהוּדָה
    וּבְחוּצוֹת יְרוּשָלַיִם

    קוֹל שָשוֹן וְקוֹל שִמְחָה
    קוֹל חָתָן וְקוֹל כָּלָה

  15. Ha! An I was about to say you blog for me too much to keep up with all the posts! Guess I can’t say that! Well mazel tov! And I don’t see you on OnlySimchas!

  16. Mazal Tov! May you build a Bayis Ne’eman B’Yisroel!

    And, I take it that your Chsson knows that you chose him because he’s special 🙂

  17. Mazel tov! May you build a holy, beautiful, and thoughtful home together.

    And please don’t stop blogging totally. Your blog has been a pleasure to read — writings by people who can think originally, observe acutely, and write expressively always are. At times, it’s reassured me that we still have people in the community with such arcane skills. I’ve been married for a few years now and enjoyed the blog as much as before. If you continue writing about your experiences, even better.

  18. Mazel tov! I guess whatever it was wasn’t so Bad for Shidduchim – or at any rate, not with the one that it counted for. Wishing you all the best, much mazel and bracha.

  19. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW! It has happened at last! And look at all your readers giving you love! See what a wonderful community you have established? And no one wants you to stop writing. Myself included.

  20. 3 things:
    1. Mazel tov!
    2. I heartily recommend software developers as husband material. I snagged one of those 17.5 years ago and am still convinced it was the best decision I ever made.
    3. There are 42 lines in a column of a Torah Scroll — and the Torah contains the answers to Life, the Universe and Everything… so 42 really is the answer. 😉

    Oh, and a fourth thing: we’ll miss you!

  21. A blessing on your head, lady! A thousand congratulations, I wish you all the happiness in the world.

    — Well-wishing OTD lurker who, if you ever want to talk to me about shidduchim for my dissertation, I would be awed and grateful. And I am sorry to be creepy. Mazel tov!

  22. Mazel Tov as well. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for the past few years, but I’m very happy that you are now engaged. You’ve left the land of dates for the land of honey, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do (My wife and I are almost 25 years married).

    Best wishes

  23. hey, wait. you didn’t mention one important fact. how did he react when he found out, or when you told him about your blog? Of course he knows about it, right? I’m curious!!! The PS was much too vague!

  24. Mazel Tov. Sounds like you found a good match. I do look forward to seeing more writing on something completely different, like those mitochondria tight rope walking on the edge of the endoplasmic reticulum.

  25. wha??? WOW! Mazel Tov!!!
    you proved yourself wrong! it wasnt so bad for shidduchim after all! Now don’t get your head tooooo stuck in the clouds like those NEFs do :). Soooo exciting to read this post!!!

  26. omg mazel tov!! i opened your blog tonight and am literally smiling from ear to ear! so so so happy for you!!!

  27. ….it took me way too long to understand this.
    then i said
    wait, what…?

    ….please please please i know this is an obnoxious rquest but can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease share details?

  28. Mazel tov!! Was so thrilled to hear the news (on FB) that I even came back to the blogosphere for a brief visit 🙂

  29. Mazal tov! So happy to see a fellow blogger moving on, and for such a good reason! B”H and all the best to you.

  30. OMG! That is so exciting!!!! Wow-I’ve been reading this blog for so many years…can’t believe it’s coming to an end….I will REALLY miss this, no lie, but I’m so, so happy for you 🙂
    I second Tehila-how about a badforshanarishona???? PLEASEEEEEE????

  31. BH!!!!!!!! This post absolutely made my day. Bad4 (you were always good4 in my eyes), I’ve been following you since I started in shidduchim. So happy for you!
    May HaShem bless you and your chatan to build a bayit kadosh v’ne’eman b’yisrael. Wishing you all of the best!

  32. Thanks for all the mazel tovs, which I guess are directed to me as well.

    To answer a few questions:
    I knew Bad4 as Bad4 long before I knew her as [CENSORED]. I am a long time reader, very infrequent commenter. I met her through someone who met her through blog-related things. So in the scheme of things, the blog did turn out to be Good for this particular shidduch. I don’t know what exactly she means by the PS – maybe she’s referring to the fact that initially I forbade myself from reading the blog because I found it weird or intimidating or something to be dating this fantastic blogger who kept posting interesting stuff.

    No, we’re not on OnlySimchas.

    I am not the record-keeping type, so no, I don’t have a chart to directly compare with Bad4’s.

    And I guess I should thank all of you – without the peanut gallery Bad4 may not have continued to blog, and if she hadn’t blogged, maybe I wouldn’t have met her, so thank you all for creating this community.

  33. Mazal tov! We are all so happy for both of you (even though it is kind of sad that this blog will finally come to an end, but it is about time – the Jewish blogosphere has gone through several cycles during which this blog has been active).

    Bad4, I am sure that just like I was not the stereotypical NEF or NMF, you will also not be. Things that bother you enough are things that you generally try to avoid doing, if only in order to avoid being like the stupid people around you.

    Have fun on your long journey together!
    -chanie-turned-littleduckies and “yoni”

    P.S. – We all knew you would find someone just like yourself. 🙂

  34. I’m also a never-left-a-comment reader, but I wanted to say I’m sincerely so happy at this news. You have great creativity and talent. I’m excited for whatever else you do in life. Thanks for all the entertainment and relatable content. Mazal Tov.

  35. I’ve been reading this blog for YEARS, and I have no words for how happy I am for you. May you have a great life together full of bracha and simcha.

  36. So, if B4S dated G4B4S for 5.5 months, this leads me to wonder: what’s a typical amount of time for shomrei negiah to date before engagement? max you’ve heard of?

  37. ^ A time much longer than the amount of time it takes for me to tell you “keep your nose out of other people’s pantyhose.”

    Whether someone is shomer negiah or isn’t is a private matter that is rude to speculate publicly on.

  38. Why does no one understand 42 (even the guy himself???)? He’s the 42nd guy. She’s been dating him for a while. Go back and you’ll see a post months ago where she say’s she’s dating #42. That’s why I commented they’ve been dating since mid-September,

  39. Iyhby:

    When R4B4S mentioned that he did not understand B4S’s PS, he was referring to the PS and NOT to the PPS, where she stated that the blog was both good and bad for shidduchim.

    And most of us understood that the “42” in the PPS was because this was “Caller #42”, but B4S’s wording of the PPS — “sometimes 42 is the answer” is definitely a shout out to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” where 42 is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everthing.” (Though the question turns out to be “what is 9 times 6? — which is a whole other issue.)

  40. Long time Fan, I didn’t ask anyone to speculate. People can either comment on their own relationship (if they are married) or make the reasonable assumption that a very religious couple they know was shomer negiah before marriage. For example, anyone who knows me would know I’m shomeret negiah. I refuse to shake men’s hands all the time.

  41. Depends which circles… Chassidish people meet once to three times, generally, and wait about a year to the wedding, but they see each other rarely in between and only in public places.

    Yeshivish people date for hm… maybe a few weeks to three months? And have an engagement of about five to eight months, I think. Not sure how often they see each other in between but it would be in a place with other people, I imagine.

    Don’t know what shomer negia Modern Orthodox people do.

  42. The real explanation for 42 is that I am the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Backstories involving arithmetic and other guys are distractions from that salient fact.

  43. “Don’t know what shomer negia Modern Orthodox people do.”

    Do you know what non-shomer negiah modern orthodox people do?

  44. Mindy, I was making a joke implying that non-shomer-negiah people do the same thing as shomer-negiah people “in between” (i.e. after engagement but before wedding).


  45. B4S, it’s a very old joke, but if I have to explain it, I didn’t say it over very well. Let’s see, how do I put this delicately … um … it’s an implication that in many cases the level of adherence to shomer negiah gets somewhat relaxed once you are engaged. Nu … enough of this. MAZAL TOV again 🙂

  46. So B4S, it seems that religiously following your blog for six years in eager anticipation of finding out your true identity when the day would finally come, has not paid off. Can I get my money back please?

    Mazel Tov

  47. Wonderful news – mazel-tov!!!
    Just shows: the bashert was out there….wishing you a wonderful life together.

  48. I wish you and your family a very happy Bayit Neeman BeYisrael.

    May G_d always help you to perform all His mitzvot correctly,
    and not make any mistakes.

    May G_d always help you to achieve Tikkun HaMidot.

  49. Mazel Tov! Been reading your blog for, I think, about five years. Will be dissappointed if you only continue with the reposts and not write more of your interesting and fun to read content. Or maybe you could start a new blog?

  50. oh mazel tov bad4! it’s incredible that u found someone you’d like to spend the rest of ur life with. i was actually quite inspired by ur engagement. thanks for all the good reads.

  51. Okay, I know you said “effective immediately” and I know you deserve the well-earned escape from the blogosphere. But I would love to have one more post on this subject: When – in your opinion, based on your own irrefutable and lengthy research – is the right time in shidduchim to reveal that you blog? Do you think it makes a difference?

  52. Michal – I never got around to telling anyone that I blogged. Either they knew before we started, or we broke off before it seemed like the right time. To me, that’s an irrelevant skeleton that doesn’t need to be mentioned until pretty late in the game. Some of my dates would disagree. The last one in particular.

  53. It’s a skeleton???

    It’s something that you should be (and are) proud of, that presents you as smart, funny, a good writer, a clear thinker, and so on. Why should that info be hidden from a date?

    See, you’re right that I would disagree. 🙂

  54. Mazel Tov!! I am so excited for you!! Sooooo, everyone gets there……… I can stop crying that I’m the only one left from the bunch (and, hey, I’m not that old yet!) You give me hope!! I wish you all the brucha in the world!!

  55. Bad4 + Right4 = MAZEL TOV!!
    I decided to check Onlysimchas in a moment of boredom and my eyes popped out of my head when I saw the posting. Ran back to the blog to verify. Your innocuous post that began with an apology made me to a double take and triple take. I couldn’t be happier!! As a loooong time reader and a drop-in visitor in one of the first ice cream meet ups – (I think the invite was something related to a camping trip I had just done….) I’ve forgotten your name but I’ve been a huge fan of your blog and ingenious creativity from the outset. Your posts expressed the things I thought about and my own dating experiences – with a kick#*$ sense of humor. Best Jewish dating blog, by far. Your’e a talented writer. You should publish!
    I see the book in Barnes & Noble…. Best of Bad4.
    I’m thrilled you are out of this loop and wish you only bracha and continues simcha together. This made my day:)

  56. Mazel tov! Was just thinking of you so checked your blog…I had wanted to get in touch but I don’t think we have any mutual friends that I know of anymore. To clarify who I am, we had an amusing late night encounter racoon when we were about 12 and wrote a story about it which did not get published. Anyway, mazel Tov and let me know if there’s a way we can get in touch 🙂

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