Friday Repost: Why Are You Telling Me That?

I kind of laughed when I reread this exchange.

…She began listing all my sterling virtues, and, running short a bit earlier than she’d intended, fell back on plain ol’ information about me. “…and she had a blog,” she enthused to the mother.

“A blog…?” asked the mother uncertainly. “Um, isn’t that bad for shidduchim?”

As in, “are you bragging about that? Shouldn’t that be a turnoff? Hang on while I consult my manual for the appropriate reaction…”


LIKE Me – Please!

I am a humble, undemanding blogger. Week in and week out, for the past sevenish years, I have toiled to present you with quality kvetching on the vagaries of being single. I have lanced relationships and the chance at a cat-free future in order to blog for you on the subject of dating for perpetuity. I place no ads of my own (what you see is from WordPress), nor attempt in any way to monetize you, my dear readers. I ask nothing  except that every few years you send me on a trip.

Last time it was Israel. You voted me in as the popular choice blogger to accompany and liveblog a Nefesh B’Nefesh trip. This time my request is less spiritual and tax-deductible.

Please send me to Switzerland.

I received the following email in my inbox this morning:

Hi Mr. Bad For Shidduchim 🙂

I am a fan of your writing and thus reaching out because one of my clients has started a competition for Jewish writers. It’s a chance to win a week-long vacation at the only 4-star, 4-bedroom chalet-apartment  in the picturesque car-free resort of Saas-Fee in the Swiss Alps, Switzerland . Plus it’s Kosher!
It’s simple to apply: – be creative and describe in a comment why you deserve this vacation. 
If you are interested, see the link below:
Thanks very much!
Ben Heligman
Marketing Assistant, J-Town Internet Services Ltd.

I’m a little bit skeptical that a “fan of my writing” doesn’t know that I’m not a Mister. But I’m stifling that because if this is legit, I want to be in on it. This appears to be a publicity stunt for a kosher Swiss chalet, and they want us bloggers to compete in a fierce, pen-slashing competition for the honor of being their publicist for a week.

I’m in!  My gauntlet is down! My pen nub is sharp.

But why do I need this? Why should you follow that link and “Like” my comment?

(1) Well, consider pure charity. Here I am,  a lonely old spinster, with no husband, no children, not even a cat to give me love or joy. Nothing but the daily grind of work, and coming home to a cold, empty apartment at night, where I’ll sit, despondent, next to the phone, waiting for shadchanim who never call.

I’m having trouble keeping a straight face here, but you can’t see that. So pity me.

(1)b …And give me an opportunity to date a European. I’ve been out with so many Americans unsuccessfully. Maybe it’s the breed. Maybe it’s time to sample another continent.

(2) Alternatively, I can promise you compensation. I will write inspirational posts drawing lofty metaphors between cloud-covered peaks and endurance dating. Or maybe less inspirational posts about secret bank accounts and shidduch profiles. It all sounds a little half-baked right now, but I’ll work on it from the chalet. Promise.

(3) Personal development is important, and goodness knows I need some. For example, I don’t know how to ski. Help me work on myself to become a better, more rounded person, the sort that would be able to strike up a conversation with another single on a ski slope.

(4) Save me from becoming a crazy cat lady—send me where I can get buried in an avalanche and rescued by a Saint Bernard with a casket of alcohol. Seriously, what does an older single need more than the love and snuggling of a big furry drooling dog and a keg of whiskey? Bliss. Crazy dog lady sounds so much cooler.

(5) And finally: Swiss ice cream meet, anyone?

Today’s Post is Looping Out There

Someone recently informed me that my blog doesn’t qualify as a tech blog. Just to dispel the notions that my blog is inadequate in any way, I sat down to write a VBA program that would simulate dating in a safe, Microsoft environment.

Well, talk about too much success. My simulation was so accurate that it got caught in an infinite loop. It’s still dating in the background as I type. I think I’ll leave it there  just in case, in a few days or so, it finally calls the Wedding() subroutine.

Should I Go?

Received notice of this a while ago and disregarded it, since Wednesday is one final and Thursday is another. But since I’m suffering acute senioritis, I’m rethinking that logic. So, who’s going?

MAY 11, 6PM @YUM – Jews & Jewish Culture in New Media: A Forum for Emerging Writers, Bloggers & Journalists

(Tell your friends!)

The popularity and influence of emerging media is empowering a new generation to question, challenge and raise their voices in unprecedented ways. It has fueled rebellions and revolutions around the world, and offers an exciting and ever-expanding reevaluation and re-articulation of culture.  This issue is of crucial importance for Jewish culture and society.


The Yeshiva University Museum is excited to host an informal, open forum for emerging writers, bloggers, and others engaged with Jewish culture through New Media. We will meet May 11 from 6-8pm to tour the Yeshiva University Museum galleries and discuss Jewish topics in new media. Together, we’ll evaluate, critique and debate such topics as: how new media effects our understanding of Jewish culture, ethics in writing about Jewish communal and culture topics, preservation and redefinition of tradition through writing, and how Jewish topics are, should and shouldn’t be addressed.


Refreshments and other cool bloggers will be served!


Please RSVP to chersh[at] or call 212-294-8330 x 8808


Image Control

I was a bit put out to hear that one commenter’s mother thinks my outlook is too jaded. Me? Jaded? I’m not jaded. Jaded is when you’re bored by dating and are no longer excited at the idea of dressing up and meeting an interesting new guy. I’m always excited when I go out. In fact, now more than ever, because now I won’t go out with anyone who doesn’t sound exci… wait, that’s not jaded. That’s just experienced.

Okay, fine. Maybe a tad. This is why we have Friday reposts. To hearken back to the carefree days of skipping down Avenue J with nothing more weighty on my mind than the length of my skirt… and the Women in Black who were measuring it.

Yes, I know. I seem to obsess about dating. That’s cuz this is a dating blog. That means I write about things related to dating and being single and so on. It’s a topical blog, and that’s how topical goes. In real life I hardly ever talk about dating. Can’t seem to keep my friends from talking about it to me (as if I’m interested, guys! Well, just the bad date stories. Those I collect), but for the record, I’m not the one who brings it up.

Yeah really. Once Apple was picked out from a threesome of bloggers as the most likely Bad4 because she spent an entire afternoon complaining about crummy dates. I was just sitting there and taking mental notes. Thanks girlfriend! I got, like, three posts out of that afternoon. And complete anonymity.

Not that I’m perfectly contented. (And who is? That would stymie progress.) In my perfect life, I’d be engaged about now. But who ever lives their perfect life? In all the big things, I mean. Somehow the little things are always peaches and cream. But there have been times when I was very frustrated because life didn’t work out how I’d hoped and I was positive things would be – well, not rotten, but fairly mediocre. Of course they weren’t. In fact, every time, in retrospect, the way things actually worked out was infinitely better than how I’d planned them.

In fact, after a whole series of such occurrences I promised myself that I’d never plan again; I’d just go with the flow. That lasted about – oh – three and a half years. I’ve been really good about it, honest. But every now and then you hit an important crossroads when you just want to know. And I don’t.

So, does uncertainty stink? Yes. Am I depressed, obsessive, and miserable? Um, no.

If you don’t know me, you’ll have to trust me on this one. (If you do, be honest: am I?)

Word Cloud

I was adding tags to my posts when I wondered which ones were most used. I figured it was about time I tried a word cloud for this blog. So here it is:
Wordle: BadforShidduchim's Word Cloud (click to visit the app page and see it up close)

I was kinda shocked to see Rules up there as one of the largest words. Am I so obsessed with rules? Does shidduch dating have too many rules in it? (Am I adding to the count of the word “rules” right now by typing “rules” five more times?) I have to note that “rule” and “rules” are also present in a large size. How utterly ominous.

Then I noticed that “burger” is featured as well. I’m pretty sure I haven’t obsessed about burgers that much. So I figured maybe it was just picking up page one of the blog and clouding that. So I tried page 2, page 3, and the RSS feed. Same results: too many rules and a burger. So I tried just one post, one with absolutely no burgers in it, and got the same result.

So – whatever. Time to try a new cloud generator:
rule five minutes ready date dates until “ late ” “ guy girl time nobody dinner rules takes know kept felt pretty wonder last long says something value went good little move someone things stand women start keep table got engaged bad shidduchim tags dating tomato sauce course did small piece one everyone think – life engagement too talking black notes off name friends feeling back home wedding seen day degree end year married months kind people shidduch talk tell may tree interesting going etc between hearing old half seems tuesday brooklyn love esther gila alert periods husband next same subject library books weird debt december november october september august july june april march february january

And of course, once one begins testing online apps, who hath the self-discipline to halt?

This one you have to click through to see, and it’s more thorough – perhaps too thorough.
Word Cloud

Okay, this is just getting frustrating. Does anyone know of a decent HTML word cloud app? It needs to be HTML or I can’t embed it in a WordPress blog.

Double Standards

BoSD wants to know if she – er, a young woman with an active online life – has a double standard if she wants a guy who does not.

On the one hand, internet usage is considered more acceptable for the average yeshivish woman than for the average yeshivish man. On the other hand: well, why is that so?

Weigh in here or there.