Horrorfying

Match.com posted this in honor of Halloween, but everyone benefits from hearing that someone else has worse dates.

Thanks O Former Citymate of mine.

And the Moral of the Story Is…

 

There’s something to be learned from every date.

One of my dates had a hole in his coat. Not a big deal – he probably just didn’t notice it – but it did make me wonder if I’d put too much effort into primping. A week later the hole was still there. While it’s nice to know that he’s beyond the obsessive mirror-checking stage, it doesn’t make a gal feel very important. Note to self: always be well turned out, no matter how jaded you are.

Sometimes it’s the opposite. Like thinking, “Wow, he’s a real gentleman. Why am I not nearly so much a lady?” Heck, it wouldn’t kill me to be a drop more courteous, would it? Excellent manners are never out of place.

With a little more dating, I might just become properly civilized.

Of course, there are some dates where the lesson is a bit ambiguous. Like the date where the guy borrowed his friend’s car. The friend was about to close a very serious dating chapter the happy way—with a proposal. Well, the car-borrowing guy opened the door and let his date clamber in, and then strolled around to his end to do the driving. Meanwhile, the nervous girl decided to double check her makeup or hair in the visor mirror. She flipped it down, and down tumbled an artistic sign that read, “Will you marry me?”

The only moral I can come up with is, “Always double check that he means you before you say ‘yes.’”

PS: she married him, but only after many more dates.

Then there’s the friend whose date took her to a hotel with a too-noisy lounge. They found a quiet table in the hall, where he proceeded to raconteur non-stop. She tried to get a few questions in edgewise (“where do you daven, when do you learn”) but he dismissed them all as nonessential and continued with his fun stories. (She did get a handful of answers: apparently he davened occasionally when his friend came over.) Then suddenly the lights went out. A minute later, they came back on, but her date was gone. At this point, I would have jumped up and shouted “Mr. Black&White in the lounge with the candlestick!” but she just flipped open her cell phone and said, “Ma, can you come get me?”

“Where are you?” asked her mother.

“I don’t know.”

And then it was too late; her date appeared around the corner and said he’d gone “to find out what happened.” She was not impressed.

The moral of the story is, “always know where your date is taking you—you might have to find your way back.” Or maybe it’s “Don’t disappear in a blackout without telling your date where you’re going—or that you’re going at all.”

PS: She didn’t marry him.

Course, in shidduchim, you can learn from more than just the dates. Take the guy who returned from a frustrating session with an “I know better than you” shadchan. Went to sleep in a foul mood and woke up the next morning to find that he’d ground off a tooth cap. Moral of the story: shadchanim are bad for your teeth.