From the archives: someone asked me if I’m feeling the pressure to get married now that my sister is wedded off. My response was a tad… laden with verbal irony.
The truth is, I’m just thick when it comes to social cues. It’s very possible that people have been exerting truckloads of pressure, and I forgot to notice it. I didn’t feel friendless in 9th grade until the teacher kept harping on how normal it was to feel friendless and we all had to try to be friendlier. Then I started wondering, “Am I friendless?” Until then I was doing fine.
Asking me if I’m feeling pressure has the same effect. I dunno… am I feeling pressure? Let me check. Oh whoa! Is that pressure?
And then the whole can of worms opens up.
So please don’t ask me stuff like that.
Who set you up with him?
Soooo…. should I plan for a wedding in the future? [wink wink nudge nudge]
Oh well, we all have to eat a few lemons.
Don’t take this the wrong way but, next time you go out? Let me do your make-up.
Your tag is sticking out.
He brought you here? He took me to Abigael’s on our first date.
Bisha’ah tova umutzlachas
You can never tell – my first date with my husband was terrible.
Don’t you hate it when people are sensitive to you? It reminds me of the time in 9th grade when the teacher was always going on about how friendless we all feel in a new school and we should all do a “neck exercise” to turn and look for someone else who needs our friendship.
Well, after that little speech, I viewed any overtures of friendship with suspicion. Why was Ms. Popular suddenly dropping by my desk to say hello? Did she think I had no friends? What a snub!
Sensitivity is like that. People are trying to be nice to you, and all it does is highlight that they perceive an inadequacy in your life. I read a complaint about the “Happy Holidays” greeting. “We all know that it just means ‘Merry Christmas to all of you poor losers who don’t celebrate Christmas’,” the blogger whinged. In other words, once again, sensitivity is taken the wrong way.
Let’s face it: sensitivity is insensitive! Especially when done sensitively. It suggests that you simply aren’t equipped to handle one aspect of your life, and everyone else is required to tiptoe around you to prevent a meltdown.
I believe that the best solution to this is that everyone just stop being sensitive. Usually the other person won’t notice, because they’re not sensitive on the same items as you think they are. And if they are? They’ll just deal with it the way they deal with all the things you’re not sensitive about (like not being sensitive) – by growing a thicker skin.
All these musings, of course, wer inspired by a post inspired by someone being sensitive about my being single. And back then I was only 21.
HT to Relarela for this one.
Studies show that heavy Facebook use gives you about half the support you’d get from being married. That was stated to prove how supportive FB can be.
“Facebook users get more overall social support, and in particular they report more emotional support and companionship than other people,” wrote Hampton in a blog post. “And, it is not a trivial amount of support. Compared to other things that matter for support — like being married or living with a partner — it really matters. Frequent Facebook use is equivalent to about half the boost in support you get from being married.”
To me it’s rather ominous. I don’t use Facebook. Does that make me the 21st-century equivalent of the hermit monk in the woods?
Then again, perhaps it’s news of hope. Just think: the modern single can hack their way to happiness with a few simple steps. Get a dog for oxytocin, Facebook for support, plus a few trusted friends just in case. Bingo! You’re operating at over 85% the emotional support of marriage with none of the stress. Sounds great, right?
Overheard by Relarela: “I want to get married so that my friends will make me shtick.”
Well, granted, shtick is when you find out exactly how interesting you are, or how interesting your friends think you are. Don’t you ever wonder what they’ll come up with for your wedding? Sometimes I’m terrified that I’ll get married and people will show up with some lame maypole and arches and that’ll be it, and then and there, on my wedding night, I will learn how truly boring I am.
Wedding-night suicides happen outside of The Princess Bride too, you know.
It’s a depressing possibility. Almost makes me want the opposite: not get married so that I don’t see whether my friends make shtick or not.
Why – why – do you think that you know exactly why I’m not married yet?
Cuz guess what. After due consideration of your suggestion – and I did consider it long and hard – I have concluded that you’re not correct. So stop suggesting. You might have noticed that I’m not listening, which is why you keep repeating. Well please stop. Please, please, please stop.
Because I used to like you.
Over the past two weeks of vacation I’ve bounced 7 babies, six of which belonged to friends (one was kinfauna). Of those six that belonged to friends, half were second children.