The headline says it all, but this post on differing expectations and reactions also has a graph…
Sorry TJG, but your post made me laugh. Ten whole days without dating! Withdrawal symptoms, keep back!
I think my longest dateless streak was 11 months. It was a lovely 11 months spent with girlfriends in an exotic location known as Too-OOT, and overall, it was terrifyingly pleasant. We didn’t judge each other because there was no need; we simply did stuff and ate stuff, listened to stuff and talked about stuff in each others company. Yes, TJG, not dating is really quite nice.
Sometimes I wish I could not-date someone until I marry him.
Because my friend just married the last one.
Every now and then you bump into one of those jaded daters who insist that there are “no good guys left.” For a while I had a couple of these as friends. Their statement always filled me with great hope. I mean, if there’s no good guys left, then I can just stop dating! No more dressing up and getting excited and sitting in a coffee shop becoming more disillusioned by the minute. I can abandon hope, and losing hope is very liberating.
Sadly, none of these friends have ever been able to provide statistics to back up their claim. Even worse, they all got married.
Naturally, when they got engaged I felt compelled to tease them. Clearly, I pointed out, they’d been forced to settle. Or else they’d had to import their guy from overseas (Asia, maybe?) or steal him out of high school. They always respond by blushing and denying that they settled or scraped in the slightest. Their explanation? “I got the last good one.”
And here I thought they were my friends. I mean, thanks tons! That makes me feel better. You’ve just taken the last good guy and abandoned me and all your other single friends in a world full of no-good guys. With friends like you, who needs Women in Black?
But to be honest, it does make me feel better. Because so many of these friends are positively convinced that they got the last good guy out there. When you tally it up, that’s a whole lot of last guys. And if there could be six last good guys for all my jaded friends, well, that means there’s bound to be one more floating around. For me, of course. Not my other single friends. If there’s a last good guy out there, I’m going to do my very best to snag him before any of you can.
On your mark, get set, GO!
[Note: I have this feeling that I already published this post once, but when I tried to dig it up I couldn’t. So if this sounds familiar to anyone, apologies. It sounds familiar to me too.]
Once accused of being jaded, I went back to reread some of my earlier posts. And wouldn’t you believe: I found a post on almost the same subject as the Being Muddled one from earlier this week.
Here it is, entitled Weddings.
So, what do you think, folks? Do I sound more jaded these days? Or is it just that the writing is less thoughtful?
When I was trawling through my posts a few weeks ago, looking for that post I never found, I came across this one called “An Insensitive Question.” The gist is that about 2.5 years ago my sister asked if I felt bad when other people got engaged. My answer was “not really” and it still stands. But then there was this:
On the one hand, there’s a bit of a twinge when a friend gets paired off first and you wonder why you’re less matchable than they are. At the same time, I can’t say I’ve ever felt “left behind.” I imagine “left behind” requires the majority of people to be moved ahead, but there are so many singles to hang out with that I really don’t feel that way. If anything, I wonder if my poor married friends feel “left ahead.”
Yeah, that’s different alright. Not only are most of my friends married, but people younger than me are getting paired off. Last night the neighbors held sheva brachos for someone a year behind me. Everyone my age and up has been long paired off. I am the official old maid of the block.
But it’s not just those a year younger who are “passing.” Good4 is very anxious to marry me off before she accepts a ring herself. And she’s five years younger than me. Yep, I’m soon to begin that chapter wherein my younger sister is dating too. I’ve assured her that I won’t mind dancing at her wedding without the extra layer of hair, but she keeps wringing her hands over it. She’s absolutely convinced that she’s going to be married within a few months of returning from seminary and I’m going to be the wedding nebach case.
Meanwhile, many of my classmates have just finished giving birth to their second child.
So, do I feel left behind? I think I might be starting to.