Must Love Dogs

Let us consider a strange scenario: a mother feeding her newborn for the first time. Objectively, the feast is the ┬ácelebration of an oversized parasite graduating from living off the bloodflow of one organism to living off the cashflow of two. And yet, in spite of this, the mother adores the thing and even, in defiance of all rules of aesthetics, thinks it’s cute.

How does this come to pass?

The answer, my friends, is oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter also known as the Hormone of Love. Invisible during the scene we just imagined, the mother’s brain is awash in the stuff. It’s a sort of hormonal beer goggles that turns a red, wrinkled, squished body-ruining parasite into the most beautiful baby ever born. Oxytocin also flows during good dates but not, it hardly bears stating, during family reunions.

So, do you think a girl is perfect in every way, but fear that oxytocin is not flowing when she’s with you? Here’s how a clever, neurologically informed fellow gets the girl in the modern era:


Studies show that oxytocin levels rise when a person pets a dog, especially the big comfy kind that gaze adoringly into your eyes. Granted, the oxytocin is created by bonding with the dog. But does the brain know that? There’s only one way to find out.

So instead of visiting a lounge or an arcade, why not take your date to volunteer at the local pound? You’ll improve the lives of some poor doomed dogs and maybe even catapult your relationship several dates forward.

Or you could just invest in an oxytocin spray and pretend it’s air freshener for your car.