Reason #17 To Not Get Married: Beer

HT to Relarela for this late St Patty’s Day tribute. (She was only one day late, but it took me this long to get to the YouTube vid.) As she points out, when pregnant, you can’t drink beer.

 

 

 

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Reason Not to Get Married: Sheitels

So what if your sheitel is unnaturally thick and luscious? So what if you can see the back of it without two mirrors? So what if you can style it without getting a crick in your neck and tired arms? Raise your hand if you actually want to wear one of those things.

Anybody? No, not you, balding dude. This question was for the single women.

Reasons We Don’t Want to Wear a Sheitel:

  • It’s boring.
  • It has straight hair. Can you see my yawn? Why run a brush through straight locks when you can wrestle with kinks and waves and maybe, with luck, come up with something that looks just as nice?
  • It has limited styling options. I mean, I can go for a pompadour. Or an updo. Or a half-pony. Or a side-pony. Or a regular pony. Or straight down. Or pinned on the sides. Or a lot of stuff. Granted, I generally don’t. But I can. Nah-nah to the sheitel which is stuck with limited options. You want that down, or mostly down? Anything else will cost you a new wig.
  • It’s uncomfortable.
    • No ad-hoc ponytails on hot and sticky days. The back of my neck is cringing in anticipation.
    • Those combs and clips and things that keep your real and fake hair in place. Ouch.
    • It’s like a fur hat, only hairier. Nice in the winter, when it’s not raining. At every other time: eugh.
  • It’s hard to wear.
    • You look like you’re wearing something on your head for the first few months. I wonder why.
    • The front hairline. The ears. The pony bump in the back which you must have because if you cut your hair short the thing won’t attach. The odd way the hairs stick out when it’s not on right.
  • Its hard to care for.
    • Mistakes don’t grow out.
    • Style changes cost a lot more.
    • You’re at the mercy of the sheitel-macher who is going to make you look like a clone of everybody else no matter how silly the current fashion, and charge you through the nose for it.
  • It’s bad for your hair.
    • Wasn’t this supposed to be about your hair being your crowning glory? Not any more. Now someone else’s hair is, because yours is going the way of old soldiers – it’s fading. The replacement will never gray or thin with age, and this will look strange when you’re 90 and have the hair of a twenty-year-old.

Now nobody can accuse me of seeing greener grass. I can see it yellow everywhere when I want to. Or maybe different patches are greener on different sides. That’s life.