Stuff Marrieds Say to Singles

Oh you’ll find someone. It’s just taking a little longer because you’re very special and need a very special person.
That’s a segula for getting married.
*Crash* Mazal tov! It means you’re getting married this year.
Really? That’s your criteria for a husband?
Well what if a man didn’t have that?
You know, you might be saying no to a lot of great guys.
I’m not saying that you’re too picky, but… you might be a little too strict in what you’re looking for.
Have you tried shadchanim?

Have you tried Saw You at Sinai?

Have you tried Frumster?
There are some very yeshivish guys on Frumster.
Well have you looked? So how do you know?
Sometimes I wish I’d been single for longer.
Enjoy being single! It’s so nice not to have to think about what your husband wants all the time.
You’re young! What are you so worried about?
You know, my daughter said the entire sefer Tehillim after each friend’s wedding, and now she’s married.
It could be worse – you could be in a bad marriage, or worse, ChvSh – divorced.
Don’t say that! Chas vishalom!
What do you mean you don’t want to get married?
You can’t imagine what it’s like to be married.
I thought I was happy too before I was married, but, it’s not the same.
You’re just not a whole person before you’re married. I can’t describe it, but, you’re just not able to fulfill your potential. I know I sound crazy, but it’s true.
I have to find someone for you.
My husband has a lot of friends. I’ll find someone for you.
So, my husband has this friend? He’s perfect for you! You don’t mind someone shorter than you, right?
I don’t know… my husband doesn’t have a lot of friends.
We’re really bad at setting people up.
Don’t give up; your turn will come.
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36 thoughts on “Stuff Marrieds Say to Singles

  1. Argh, I tried hard not to say any of those things to my cousin who was single for a long time (now happily married), but I might have said some of those things to her mother.

  2. @MCP – hysterical clip! – now imagine how much funnier it could be specifically in terms of jewish dating

  3. Let’s make a video!
    Dress up, say your lines, send me the clip. I’ll mash a few of them together and post them on the Bad4 channel.

  4. ya know, married people were all single once also. and some of us were, r”l, OLDER singles. yes, a few of the lines you cite are insensitive and stupid and self-righteous, but most of them aren’t. your friends (acquaintances) just want you where they (finally) are, and are possibly trying to offer pointers (which will make perfect sense in hindsight but make none now. yes, we know…). chill. become the person you want to be. and daven. אל תבטחו בנדיבים.

  5. Why does everyone automatically assume that reeling off things that people do means I disapprove of them? Rolling one’s eyes at the pushiness of manicurists or laughing about how you always wind up in line behind the person with the coupons doesn’t mean you have burning resentment against low-wage Asian women or folks with thrifty habits.

  6. Or….

    You should wait and save some money first. We’re broke and miserable.

    I had kids way too fast.

    Don’t get pressured into anything.

    Don’t marry someone just because you thought you’d be alone forever. Now I’m stuck with her.

    Can you babysit? I can’t afford one and we haven’t had a night out in 2 years.

    Can I borrow $50? I’ll pay you back when the baby’s out of diapers.

    I would set you up with my wife’s friends but you’ve dated them all.

    I have 3 kids in diapers, wanna trade spots?

    You actually go on vacations? I hate you.

  7. yeah so when i was single, the lines i resented most from married friends were all regarding how jealous they were of my ability to go on vacation and spend money every now and then. i kept thinking “don’t pretend- you know i wish i had your encumbered lifestyle”. one perk of having had that time while single is that i don’t usually miss it now. my mother said the same thing- she traveled before she was married and had no desire to after that. but saving money was and still is the prudent way to go. no one ever regretted saving money. solvency is still possible after marriage. being single longer also means getting a leg up on your career before all you want to do is leave the office and run home.

  8. why do we assume you disapprove? first, disapproval does not always take the form of burning resentment. second, the overall tone of this blog could be described as cynical, to say the least, and this may cast a light on statements that could otherwise be perceived as neutral.

  9. There was zero context provided for the above quotes. And I am not cynical. It’s wry. For God’s sake, why do I even try?

  10. I think if anyone was being cynical it was me.

    ASDFGHJK – I disagree with you. From the people I know who got married later than their friends, the ones who enjoyed themselves and went on vacations, those were the happiest. I’ve never met someone who enjoyed their single-hood regretting it. It was the ones who stayed at home saving up their money, only thinking about getting married, those were the miserable ones. I’m not saying you have to spend every dime, but nows the chance to do what you want, when you want, and you’ve got lots of money. Don’t sit at home and save it all. Go out and party! 🙂

    Also, my married friends who can, do go on vacations. The one’s who cannot all wish they could. I’ve never met anyone who once they got married say, this is all I need, and can just sit home and stare at their spouse all night, every night.

  11. ihyby- i don’t think i said anything different than what you just said. you can spend and save at the same time- if you don’t spend everything, there, you’ve saved some. you can have fun, not live at home, and also start a nest egg. and that is exactly what i did.

    and obviously the ones who can go on vacation do. bad4 is quoting many who can’t afford it with respect to time and/or money. married life does get expensive, and vacation is not a priority for either my husband or me.

    also, can you please stop using apostrophes with plural markers? thanks.

  12. Double Trip,

    ASDFGHJK’s last sentence was a grammatical rule:

    One 747 plane, two 747s; not 747’s.
    One shadchan, two shadchans, not shadchan’s.

    The decade is the 1980s, not the 1980’s. No need for the apostraphe.

    I just saw a flyer for a shiur: “XYZ in Halacha”- it’s ramification’s on …” – ARGH !!! NO!!! MAKE IT STOP!!

  13. KGer- apostrOphe. though, an apostrophe a plural in places where there may be a misreading otherwise (e.g., single lower-case letters) seems to be condoned by wikipedia.

    tesyaa- every single aspect of my entire persona is bad for shidduchim.

  14. im single, but who has time for lavish vacations? i work full time .i also have rent to pay and food to buy and various other bills to pay. i think those who are married who are missing their single days must have lived with their family and did not contribute to their household. getting married does not solve all of ones problems, but lets get real, most of those who are happily married would not trade places and be single instead.

  15. I think some of them would sound a lot better (albeit as you say that they are not necessarily disapproving) if you provided context.

    And I may have provided one or two, so I know what I’m talking about.

  16. ASDFGHJK,
    I just happened to notice that you didn’t capitalize the first letter of any of your sentences.

  17. I was actually just trying to see if you would correct me again. I said your, not you’re. Ah well, didn’t work. OK, I wasn’t nice, just a simple test, your fine 😉

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