HT to Relarela

Full Disclosure

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There are lots of things you have to remember to mention before you marry someone: if you’re taking anti-depressants, if you’re an illegal alien, and if you’ve previously been married. But you might not have realized how important it is to mention that you’ve had cosmetic surgery. Your spouse-to-be may love your (new) face, but (s)he is buy in to the entire package, including your genes. Take warning from this tale out of China.

 

HT Relarela

Thursday (Not Friday) Not-So-Repost: Let Him Do the No-ing

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Another thought that came to me while reading this post was how much easier life is when the other person says no for you.

It’s always easier when the other side gives the “no.” You can sigh with relief, secure in the knowledge that it was mutual, and when you’re 45 and still single, well, you weren’t the one who turned this one down.

But, let’s face it: you’re funny, generous, charming, good-looking, deep, kind, etc. There’s no reason for the average guy to turn you down. How can you make a DOA date reject you?

Here are a few techniques that have been tested and proven in the field. Feel free to add your own.

–          Make everything about you. Whatever he’s talking about, it should remind you of the time you did something similar. Feel free to slide into his train of thought and run away with the conversation. Your story about the time you and your friends did that in camp is much more interesting than his anyway.

–          Make your sidebar whiny. Not only is it all about you, but it’s about your first-world problems. Well, he does want to meet you and learn about you, right? And your life is difficult in its own unique way. It should be interesting.

–          Know your stuff. Are you a doctor or a PhD in biomolecular psychology? Make sure to showcase your knowledge. Often. About everything that you do, see, eat, read, or discuss. Bonus points if you can apply it to analyze his relatives and friends.

–          Know his stuff. Many people base a large part of their self-worth on their career success or specialized knowledge. If you can speak familiarly about his arcane subject, you take some of the air out of his blimp. It need not be a technical subject. I once, purely accidentally, embarrassed a fellow who’d described his love of canoeing just by mentioning class IV rapids.

Note: this does not work on nerds. Nerds see knowledge as a source of joy, not a source of power. They will be so overjoyed to find a female who can discuss server networking with them that they’ll immediately dial the shadchan to schedule a second date. To discuss server networking.

–          Disagree with him. When he brings up a minor worldview matter, take the opposing side. Firmly. It need not be anything important. Successfully used subjects: whether to spy on a spouse’s internet usage; whether it’s better to live IT or OOT; whether YU is evil or not; or whether it’s okay to buy German products. Your date will be disconcerted at his inability to impress his views upon you, not to mention your sheer idiocy in maintaining a differing perspective.

Hopefully, by applying a few of these techniques, you can convince your dates to turn you down first, and save you the trouble.

Thanks DiT for contributing your experience. 

Hanging Out on the Boardwalk is Good For Shidduchim

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Thanks, Relarela (or should I call you NEF #17 now?) for this post on why it’s important to Be Seen: because you never know who will make your shidduch.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that phrase and rolled my eyes at it. But apparently it’s true. Because you won’t believe who set up Chava and Mordy…

The Bachelor’s Soliloquey

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I am a big fan of Hamlet’s soliloquy. When you think about it, life hardly ever averages out on the euphoric side. I don’t think human programming permits it to. So why do we bother going through with it? In his soliloquy, Hamlet does an excellent job hashing out our reluctance to kick the bucket (although I think he leaves out two biggies: inertia and curiosity).

But I’m not taking this into the realm of literary criticism or existentialism. What I meant to say is that the soliloquy is eloquent and thorough, and rarely done justice in a parody. But the one below manages. It’s even easy to elocute with proper inflection.  If I knew who it belonged to, I’d cadge the rights for the Shidduch Musical. Thanks to Relarela for sending it.


O wed, or not to wed;–that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in a man to suffer
The slings and sorrows of that blind young archer;
Or fly to arms against a host of troubles,
And at the altar end them. To woo–to wed–
No more; and by this step to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand hopes and fears
The single suffer–’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To woo–to wed;–
To wed–perchance repent!–ay, there’s the rub;
For in that wedded state, what woes may come
When we have launched upon that untried sea
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes celibacy of so long life;
For who would bear the quips and jeers of friends,
The husband’s pity, and the coquette’s scorn,
The vacant hearth, the solitary cell,
The unshared sorrow, and the void within,
When he himself might his redemption gain
With a fair damsel. Who would beauty shun
To toil and plod over a barren heath;
But that the dread of something yet beyond–
The undiscovered country, from whose bourne
No bachelor returns–puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of!
Thus forethought does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And numberless flirtations, long pursued,
With this regard, their currents turn awry
And lose the name of marriage.