Take Me Out to the Museum

I had a bit of an epiphany a few dates ago.

It was when a guy suggested we go to a local museum. I’m new to the city, hadn’t been to the museum, but I knew it was nationally recognized. I was quite happy to let the date double as tourism.

So when the next guy showed up empty-handed—“Where do you want to go?”—I told him. I named a local tourist attraction that I was interested in seeing.

This may not seem like a big deal, but it indicates a huge departure from my former approach. I used to be hand-wringingly considerate. I didn’t want to spend a guy’s money, especially on a first date. So I’d tentatively recommend some local coffee shop or a cheap eatery. We’d get coffee, go for a walk, decide not to meet again, and I’d spend the rest of the night on the couch mourning my lost day.

There were plenty of places I would have rather gone. But wouldn’t that be… mercenary? Manipulative? Taking advantage? Seeing the  city on another man’s dime? Something about it felt wrong.

I did not mourn the guy’s lost day. If he wanted something better, he should have suggested it. That’s his prerogative as the one spending the money.

But once he asks, can he politely override my suggestion? Maybe he really would have loved something more interesting than coffee, but feels self-conscious suggesting it, because maybe I’m just a boring coffee date kind of girl.

Really, then, it’s for our mutual benefit that I suggest something just a little bit more interesting. And if my suggestions happen to follow a tourist’s itinerary, hitting all the big local attractions, well, who’s to care?

I don’t. That’s for sure.

4 thoughts on “Take Me Out to the Museum

  1. Hey, if the guy asks, you have a right to suggest something, but the thing is, the guy can’t refuse after that without looking controlling or cheap. So please have mercy on us and not choose a place TOO expensive on the first date, or there’s a decent chance there wont be a second (and a possibility you develop a reputation). My dad told me about how he took a girl out once, and on the first (and last) date she reccomended a fancy restoraunt, and then ordered TWO mains. Needless to say, despite the fact that she was pleasant company, my father didn’t go out with her again. He couldn’t afford to.

  2. You won’t win either way – some guys would love the opportunity to do something different while others will be upset. If he leaves it open to suggestion then he should be aware that it may come at a cost. Which may only serve him well for next time he leaves it open for suggestion.

    My advice, do what you find is fun or interesting. Chances are if you are similar enough to enjoy the same things (or to be adventurous with a date) then he is someone worth getting to know better anyhow.

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