I went on a date motzai Shobbos. In the Brooklyn Marriott. I’ve never actually been taken on a date to the Marriott because, as I explained to one guy, nobody goes to the Marriott anymore because it’s too crowded. He didn’t recognize the Yogi-quote and after a bemused pause said, ‘I’ve been there.’
I went with a Friend. So if you were dating in the Marriott that night and wondered who those two girls were, I was the pretty one. (OK, OK Friend – I take it back!) It takes effort to KIT with friends these days, and the ice cream meet-up was getting old. so I suggested we go for some h20 at the Marriott. Friend got excited. ‘Date-watching!’ she squealed, like it was a new sport. “Yep, bring binoculars and a field guide,” I deadpanned. Friend took me literally, and showed up with two pairs of high-power binocs.
She also wanted to print out questionnaires and pass them around to all the couples. I have no idea what sort of questions she wanted to ask (though I’m curious now); all I knew was that interrupting dates to pose a survey is, well, not done.
“But they’re always looking so bored! Wouldn’t you want someone to give you something to talk about?” asked Friend, who has been on a grand total of zero lounge dates in her life. Still, she had a point. Lounge dates have got to be the most boring dates imaginable, and filling out a poll would be an awesome conversation piece. I just couldn’t imagine me being the one providing the service.
I mentioned it jokingly to my parents, as a sort of reassurance that there are crazier people than me, and in fact, I have more sense than they give me credit for. My father grabbed his head with both hands and said our generation had a truly bizarre idea of what constitutes entertainment. My mother, though, rather startled me. “Don’t put it down,” she said. “Two of my friends once went on bad dates in the same lounge. Afterwards, the guy from one party got the phone number of the other girl, and they’ve been happily married for 30 years now.”
So now handing out surveys is not weird or BfS, but actually good for shidduchim!
“So you’re saying I should be using questionnaires as a ploy to get dates?!”
“You can never tell.”
“Yeah, but unlike in your story, these guys will have zero way of finding out who I am.”
At this point my father leaps back in, enthusiastically. “They can advertise in the newspaper.”
“Crazy girl from the Marriott lounge… I’m interested?” I asked.
“They’d get too many responses,” my mother frowned.
“No way – how many girls are going to respond to an ad that runs “crazy girl from the Marriott lounge”? I think it’s pretty safe,” my father argued.
It’s at times like these that I know I’m the product of my upbringing. Honestly – I ask you! I should have threatened to do it and seen what happened.
Well, it wasn’t a bad date. We didn’t get lost, though we did take the train. We found the lounge easily enough without ever running out of conversation; we disagreed over whether the tromp l’oil ceiling was tacky or cool, for example. Friends was going to treat me, but I insisted on going Dutch, something I don’t do on regular dates, and now I know why: a bottle of water is expensive in those places! I think next time we’ll do a sit-in. It has distinct advantages.
Bad for Shidduchim 
I LOATHE the Brooklyn Marriot. I’ve been there too many times to count. I’m pretty sure that when I’m in the close vicinity of a guy on a date, my forehead lights up with the words “take me to the Brooklyn Marriot- please!” Why else would I be taken there so often? These days I make sure to scrub my forehead extra hard before the date.
Boys sometimes ask other boys where to take a date, so if one went to the Marriot, they are all going to go. Not to worry though. One boy will find another place and then that will be the “in” place for a while. In my day it was the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center, Top of the Sixes, and a lounge called Chateau Henri IV. My friends and I spent enough time in these lounges to qualify for squatters rights and a share of the profits. One friend who dated a lot actually had a waiter at one of the lounges who would bring her preferred choice of soda without her ordering and once told her that he liked what she had on that night better than the outfit she wore a few nights before.
As lounges go, the top of the Marriot in Times Square is pretty good, because it rotates so you can see a lot of the city. But after 930, you have to pay to stay, so the guy better have something else planned unless he wants to shell out another 20 bucks.
Lol, I’m so bored of the hotels. I’ve been to the same ones time and again. The boys all dress the same so what’s to make it any different? I also used to hang out with friends at hotels. It’s comfie and fun. But if we saw dates there we made sure to avoid them so as not to embarrass them.
I’ve always wondered how really frum people who are so uptight about boys and girls talking to each other could let their children go to a hotel lounge for a date…
its like, you’re right next to a hotel and there is really not that much to stop you from renting a room for a few hours. (other than excessive amounts of cash.)
And noone would really ever know.
(and no my mind is not that dirty, I just can’t help but think of the stories I’ve been told about prom nights which are often held at hotels and have major problems with boys and girls slipping out and renting a room for a few hours.)
Not to mention the yichud issues in the car alone at night.
its just sooo problematic. how do they justify it? if you’re going to go this far why not just have them talk on the porch or something?
a hotel would be the last place I’d think would be appropriate for taking a date.
Howabout wandering around a museum instead? (although preferably not an art museum. Those renesance painters and their dirty obsessions y’know.) (how is making a date at a kosher reseraunt less tznius than a date to a hotel where rooms are readily available? I just don’t understand it. especialy if there are so many other couples there.)
yoni-
It’s quite obvious to anyone who knows about it, that when a frum couple goes to a hotel LOBBY to TALK, that’s all that’s happening. The reason ppl choose lobbies is because it’s a quiet place with little distraction, but at the same time, doesn’t have yichud issues cuz there ARE other ppl around.
And for all you other girls who go to hotel lobbies for “fun” – I just don’t get you. At all. Anything that reminds me of going on a date makes me sick to my stomach. Dating is horrible. My guy better come soon cuz I’m getting tired of this.
“nobody goes to the Marriot anymore because it’s too crowded.”
LOL. How could he not have caught that?!
(note to self: must remember that line…)
single chicketa, I’ve heard from a few people who did more innapropriate things on a date, and shall we say that the point is not the initial intention, the point is the ready availability.
Most people don’t go to places like that just to do those things, but once you meet, some people I know do things like that anyway.
and better to find a lobby that isn’t attached to a place where you can get a room.
yoni-
We obviously come from VERY DIFFERENT sects of orthodoxy. Enough said.
sorry, clue in the clueless mo girl: Why is it inappropriate to go to a kosher restaurant for a date? Seems like the girl definitely gets a better deal outta that. I had some yummy meals on dates when I was at Stern. It just seems kind of silly to be stuck with water in a hotel lobby when there are plenty of places to eat with reputable hashgachas all over the five boroughs. It’s not like you’re in Oklahoma or something.
Single chickita
I’m not saying its ok, but I am quoting people who are WAY WAY right wing. (not satmar but still)
actualy seems to me I’ve heard from more right wingers who’ve done this (boys and girls both) than I have from center or left wing.
I’d never do such a thing in a million years, but i think you need to realize that people do such things and worse on dates.
“It’s at times like these that I know I’m the product of my upbringing.”
LOL
the people you are quoting are clearly not way way right wing. Just pretending.
grew up in right wing families, married girls from right wing families, now lead right wing lives.
This is not right wing?
Single chikita: Why do you think we get married so fast after engagement and limit phone calls and visits? Before engagement is whatever. After engagement it’s…it’s, well. The line blurs. You’re already committed. You’re madly in love. You’re marrying this person in a matter of weeks…to be quite frank, it’s not exactly easy. You’d be surprised how many couples don’t do the right thing.
thats pretty funny- because I almost went there. Haha.
Hah hah hah- I get a grand appearence on the bad4 blog… My fifteen minutes of fame…. Thanks, bad4!!! However- ahem ahem!!- I have a few corrections to make.
1) I do not squeal. Pigs do that. I don’t. Speaking in a quick and high pitched tone is NOT squealing.
2) When you said to bring binoculars, you sounded really serious! Not that I would’ve cared anyway.
3) My sum total of lounge dates is *one*. So there.
And btw, the French tramp ceiling *was* tacky. Very tacky.
Oh, that was me.
Oh, and why couldn’t you just say “the one that was wearing a black wool coat as opposed to the one that was wearing a tan trench coat.” ??? ;P
Yoni i have to say you really detract from this blog and sometimes it’s just frustrating to read the otherwise good discussion that comes after a post here on the comments because of you. You have your own blog.
AHA! I was wondering who those 2 crazy girls were in the marriot. You should’ve given out the survey; I was dead bored. 9and yes, the waiters know me already). Thanks for your amazing blog.
*(and*
Hehehe. I’ve been on a total of 3 lounge dates in as many years. I’ve been to the Marriot Marquis with friends a few times, though. Sometimes we keep a running tally of how many dates we see. 🙂
I’ve mostly been to restaurants, coffee, and other types of dates. Lounges aren’t my thing.
You can turn this into a real spectator sport and set betting odds on couples you see getting engaged. You can watch their body language for clues to better predict if they like each other or are dying to get away.
another body language point for lounges — and this is a researched fact. Usually the light is dim, which causes pupil dilation. People are wired to find dilated pupils attractive, and also pupil dilation is a sign of being attracted. Also candlelight is flattering — another thing that may be found in lounges. So one has an atmosphere conducive to such signs — even if it is just a trick of the light.
Why go to a place where you other people are coming with their dates? Ah.. to go to a place where others will see you with your dates.
Good point, Ariella.
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