The Ring Thing

I was sitting in class gazing at the whiteboard with glazed eyes when the student next to me, who was also a bit bored, whipped off her engagement ring and wedding band and slipped them on my fingers.


That looked weird.

And felt weird.

I’ve never been much of a ring person. Rings get in the way. They weight down your fingers. They bang and snag on things. Having that big rock sticking off my finger felt… weird.

I can kinda get why engagement people always seem distracted by their rings. It’s a weird feeling.

Hard to imagine wearing one of those things the rest of my life. Do you get used to it eventually?

26 thoughts on “The Ring Thing

  1. Perhaps the try-out is useful – hope you get a chance to choose your own one soon!
    Of course, some poeple would rather a ring on a chain around their neck or some other alternative way to wear it – you are not compelled to follow the crowd…
    Bimhera b’yameinu

  2. I never got used to mine. Shabbos, Yom Tov, special occasions- and sometimes when with family members or friends who would expect to see them on me.
    Also- they interfere when putting on sterile gloves (in my work).

    So- definitely I don’t wear my engagement during the week- sometimes my wedding, depending on my mood- but mostly- not. Husband wonders why he got me an engagement ring at all. (Jokingly)

    I’m just NOT a ring girl.

  3. I never wore rings before. Now they are totally like, um, underwear. You don’t even notice them, unless they are absent. (and BTW, you don’t HAVE to get a massive rock – mine is fairly low profile, so that may be why it’s unobtrusive)

  4. i hate rings and never want to wear mine – husband and i got into a run-in over that just this week…so now i know that despite the fact that i hate wearing mine, i need to show some sensitivity to the fact that he bought it for me… as for getting in the way – the one day i agreed to wear them, i ended up scratching my newborn’s eye with the diamond. i wasn’t able to estimate the distance between where the ring ended and his face began.

  5. My sister-in-law has sensitive skin so she wore her wedding band on a chain around her neck for a while. Her brother kept going, “My precioussssssssss.”

  6. In my week of experience wearing a ring, I think the only weird feeling about it is when I take the ring off at night – I feel a phantom ring on my finger. As for the distraction, I can’t believe how I became the ring-staring type. When I was single (way back when), I saw a newly engaged girl in shul turning the pages of her siddur with her left hand, and I thought it was pretty funny. I had to stop myself this past Shabbos, when I noticed I was doing it, too! I guess the transformation happens to all of us.

  7. Not only am I not a jewelry person, I’m also ridiculously sensory-defensive, so if I got used to mine then almost anyone probably could. It took a bit of time. If you’re worried about it sticking out/snagging, get a low setting.

  8. I never wore rings, and found my engagement ring absurdly annoying for the first few weeks. Now the only time I take off my wedding band is for mikva, and I’d miss it terribly (for the first few weeks, I’m sure) were I to take it off.

    I’m sure if I put rings on my right hand, where I’ve never worn them, they’d be really irritating until I adjusted.

    I made sure to get the lowest-profile setting possible, given the center diamond of the ring. Mention it to the jeweler as a priority.

  9. ASoG never wants to take hers off, so it doesn’t seem like she has any issue with wearing either the engagement ring or wedding band. Though she did wear the occasional decorative ring while we were dating, so for girls who wear rings akin to ear-rings (without the significance of showing off a “taken” status) may have an easier time adjusting.

    On a separate though related note: I still haven’t gotten used to my wedding band. It’s tungsten, 6 mm, and pretty hefty. I never forget that it’s there, and *usually* notice when it’s not. However, I can’t stop playing with the darn thing. I keep taking it off, switching fingers for the fun of it. ASoG HATES it when I do that (she thinks I’ll lose it, which I hopefully won’t). One friend told me it takes about 3-4 months for a guy to get used to his wedding band, but until then he will fiddle with it non-stop. I attended a shiur on Shalom Bayis last week and I noticed another newlywed guy come in and begin to play with his wedding band the second he sat down. I’ve had a piece about wearing a wedding band in the wings, which I will now post…

  10. my mother wasnt a ring person and didnt wear hers much. then our house was broken into when we went to israel and it was stolen. now she doesnt have one. yeh its a great story.

  11. bad4, I use whichever hand I’m not holding the siddur in. So yes, sometimes you do use your right hand to turn the pages of Hebrew books. Then again, sometimes it’s the left..I don’t see what a ring has to do with that-maybe that has something to do with not being engaged? LOL

  12. When you find your sweetie you can plan a ring that will make you happy. Nobody says it must look like everyone elses. I actually designed my ring, because it was made of stones from a cocktail ring (that looked like a shield w/acne!!!)that my DH’s grandmother gave to us. We went to a jeweler. I said to the jeweler I’m a klutz. He said he’d use thin double bands, soldered together. I said to the jeweler that I talk with my hands and very often have my hands in water. He said “low profile bezel setting”. He asked what do we want it to look like and DH chimes in : “We want it to sparkle so that she will smile every time she sees it. ” The jeweler and I sat down with a sketchbook. Consequently, when I finally got my ring and wore it to work my students demanded to see it and then one informed me ” That’s not an engagement ring!” I just smiled. My then-fiancee cleaned some truly gruesome apartments to earn the money to have the ring made for me. It is unique, beautiful,strong,and well made. It is very sparkly in the light and makes me smile whenever I look at it. Most importantly, lots of love went into that ring, not the down payment for a home. May your future bring you equal happiness, and not just from jewelery!

  13. The only thing I had to get used to was wearing a ring on my ring finger; I always wore my rings on my middle finger (still do with my other rings) It’s easier to get used to the ring than get used to the concept of engagment and marriage 🙂

  14. I never wore the engagement ring every day, just on Shabbos and such. It has a high setting, so it could get a bit in the way. Also I didn’t want to worry about losing it, having it stolen, or having it tempt someone to mug me. (My sister-in-law had hers pulled off her finger by a mugger right outside her door.) But I always wear my wedding band, which does not get in the way of things and only cost $35 back when it was purchased when gold was much lower in price. I did lose it in a pile of raked leaves once, but I found it again. By the way, though a wedding ring is part of the Jewish service, there is absolutely no mitzvah involved in a diamond engagement ring. It is simply the custom of the country, so you can skip it if you want to. I wouldn’t have mind skipping it, but my husband come of more conformist stock.

  15. Rings can definitely be troublesome. I refused to receive an engagement ring, and rarely wear my weeding one. I like to have my hands free, and my husband understands perfectly. I do wear very often the earrings he gave me in the yichud room…as far as I am concerned, he could make the kidushin with them. Ear-rings I love. Hand- rings? No. a nuisance.

  16. I only wear rings with sentimental value – I think I had exactly two, and I wore them both at around thirteen. Now I just wear a wedding ring – engagement rings never interested me (or rather, they interested me in the same way that makeup, shoes, fashion, and hairstyles interested me).

    You get used to wearing a ring the way you get used to wearing a watch. And after a while, you notice it only when it’s not there.

  17. Hehe, I just read the comments and see that all you girls like looking at your rings and do stuff davka to show them off…chachachacha, this is fuunny..
    I, personally, always held my siddur in my left hand, so that I could turn the pages with my right (who cares which direction they go – you turn with the more coordinated hand!). AFAIK (and I did it today, also), I still hold the siddur with my left hand. And I use whichever hand is free for the rest of the stuff…usually, it’s my right hand, because my left hand (the less coordinated) I like to give less complicated jobs to. Doing so means I’m less of a klutz (a trick I learned in first grade). (P.S. – I just noticed that most of my typing is done with my left hand, possibly because I blind type and the most common letters are on the left side of the keyboard. :D)

    Is “mistakenly” showing your ring off akin to “just happening” to use a car window to check your makeup? If so, I know who you are!

  18. Heh. My wife felt the same way – she isn’t a jewelry person much and definitely not a ring person. But fairly quickly she got used to the idea and the feel of it/them on her hand. She now takes them off in the house to do stuff and if she forgets to put them back on before going out, she feels underdressed!

    The catch was me putting my wedding band. I also got used to it fairly quickly, but I needed to stop leaving it on bathroom sinks when washing my hands… (And no comments from the peanut gallery about how it’s not a frum guy thing to wear a ring. It totally should be. At the very least, as my wife commented, it helps distinguish those guys who are still available and could be “asked about”!)

  19. You brought it up, not anyone else.

    What is the problem of a married guy getting asked about? The girl would simply be told that he is already married. Out of curiosity, have you ever heard of this causing any problems in the Frum world? Are the Gedolim aware of these problems?

  20. I think one of my relatives attended a wedding where the bride pronounced “Harei Atah Mekudesh …” and proceeded to put a ring on the guy’s finger.

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