Oookaaaay….

Have any of you come across strange criteria in your search for a mate? I’ve heard about or read the profiles of many men, and some have the strangest things therein.

Like the guy who only wanted a girl with an advanced science degree. Ph.D.s in astrophysics, anyone? Masters in marine biology? No medical doctors or Ph.D.s in psychology need apply, I guess.

Let’s not forget the guy who wanted a woman with a “sparkling personality” (can anyone define that for me? I’ve always wondered) who would support him for seven years while she helped him “develop his full potential.” I said no thank you; I wanted someone who had more potential than could be developed in seven years, and also someone who didn’t just think about his wife in terms of what she could do for him.

Must be willing to move to Puerto Rico. For all you guys out there struggling with too many suggestions, this is a great way to narrow the field. No woman is willing to move to Puerto Rico. Though people will still offer to go out. People are always telling me to go out with guys who say they want to move to Somalia the day after the wedding. The rationale? “If he likes you enough he’ll change his mind.” I’m not terribly comfortable with that, because if he was open to not moving to Somalia, he wouldn’t claim otherwise before agreeing to go out.

“Family oriented career woman.” If that’s not an oxymoron, then it probably describes most women. Don’t we all want a career as long as it doesn’t interfere with our family? That’s why we’re in college and dating.

Then there was the guy who wrote, “Must like visiting the sick.”

“That one’s not for me,” I said firmly. “The only sick I visit are my friends when it’s not contagious.”

“That’s good enough,” my mother replied. “I’ll tell the shadchan Monday night is ok?”

Anything for a date. Well, almost anything. Cross off Puerto Rico, but if I have to, I’ll get that advanced science degree. I’ll even take a course on coruscating. Just marry me already, somebody!

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28 thoughts on “Oookaaaay….

  1. omg I want to meet a guy who only wants a girl with an advanced science degree *fluttery stomach*

    …when I start dating. :\

  2. Errr b4s, you mean those crazy requirements that boys have unlike girls, who are perfectly sane and logical? I guess the “she” who told me precisely which blocks she would take a boy from in Flatbush must have been a “he” in drag? I’ve read the list of requirements given by both sides, and trust me, there is not much difference between them.

  3. Who ever said that any woman has to move to Puerto Rico permanently? Not I. As far as I can tell, I’m the only one in Puerto Rico that comments on this blog, so who made this requirement?

  4. Y’know ProfK, it takes alot of the fun out of things when you make a point I was going to address but do it in a clear and concise manner.

  5. I don’t know, I think “advanced science degree” guy just wants to find someone who can score him front row seats to a shuttle launch. At least that’s why I would specify that.

  6. Errr b4s, you mean those crazy requirements that boys have unlike girls, who are perfectly sane and logical? I guess the “she” who told me precisely which blocks she would take a boy from in Flatbush must have been a “he” in drag? I’ve read the list of requirements given by both sides, and trust me, there is not much difference between them.

    Y’know ProfK, it takes alot of the fun out of things when you make a point I was going to address but do it in a clear and concise manner.

    What some blog readers fail to appreciate is that, being female, I tend to deal with the female end of things. If you reread the the post, I never mentioned anywhere that this was a purely male issue. The first sentence is specifically non-gender oriented. The second, being personal, mentions men, because I don’t date women, and therefore rarely have to hear about their requirements. The rest are all examples from my personal experience.

    This is a personal blog, not a newspaper, and I don’t have to do journalistic research to keep it all politically correct and balanced.
    What I do to balance such posts (and I’ve done it in the past) is specifically include a question (in this case, the first sentence) that opens the forum for all people of all genders to provide examples.

    I’ve done this on many posts in the past that were necessarily one-sided, but certain people seem content to just grumble, instead of providing counterexamples.

    I wouldn’t suggest GMTA – maybe DMTA, where the D stands for defensive.

  7. Who ever said that any woman has to move to Puerto Rico permanently?

    So how many people have offered to move temporarily?

  8. So many I had to chase them off with a stick. On second review, I think the number would be none.

  9. but certain people seem content to just grumble, instead of providing counterexamples.

    I beg your pardon!?

    Are we saying that it is in bad taste to simply “grumble” w/o providing an alternative point of view???

  10. Well, the post purposely opens a forum for examples. It’s just plain pettish to not provide them when you believe they’re sorely lacking.

    See, the way most people seem to handle this sort of post is: they read it, they think, “ha, I know a little about that, let me share” and they put in their example. Which is kind of what I’m hoping for. (Otherwise they read and say nothing because they don’t know anything about it or have nothing to share or whatever.) There’s a very small minority who read and think, “I know about this, but I’m not going to share, and I’ll make sure everyone knows I’m not.”

  11. Oh sheesh. “they read it, they think, “ha, I know a little about that, let me share” and they put in their example. Precisely what was done–reference the young lady with her block fetish. You state you opened the comments to those about both males and females (is specifically include a question (in this case, the first sentence) that opens the forum for all people of all genders to provide examples.) As to “I wouldn’t suggest GMTA – maybe DMTA, where the D stands for defensive.” whatever did you find that was defensive rather than illustrative of the point you brought up’s being applicable to both sexes? But if you insist on additional balance, there was the young man who told me to tell the girl that she absolutely was not allowed to wear anything with blue in it because he hated the color.

  12. I’ll admit I haveone or two requirements –
    As far as pets in the home –
    No cats, no toy dogs,no hamsters, gerbils, rats, etc.
    Reptiles are OK, Real dogs even better, Birds are a maybe.

    After that, just about everything else is negotiable.

    Setting limits by certain map grids, well it boggles the mind.

  13. My guess as to why someone would be so specific about the vocation or interests of a spouse is to make sure that they speak the same language — literally and emotionally.

    So, when they come home from a hard day at the lab, their better half can lend a sympathetic ear to commiserate about abberant protein folds, or mold experiments gone horribly awry. And they can reciprocate in kind with hair raising stories of their own. And they won’t think it abnormal when their dear husband or wife insists on keeping vigil a few nights a week over their latest particle accelerator project.

    I can’t figure out the angle on requesting someone who likes visiting the ill, though. He is either on track to be a hospital chaplain, funderal home undertaker, or it’s his way of saying that he is a morid pessimist, or that disease and death runs rampant in his family…or that he has very few healthy hobbies.

  14. My parents are both Mechanchim/ Educators so I saw the greif that they got in their jobs as I was growing up so I swore off ever dating an education major. My wife decided to become a teacher after we engaged – so I kept to my barriers. I also saw how much more training education majors get now than any of the teachers I had growing up so I guess its not the same….

  15. Great post!
    Gotta admit that the Puerto Rico and Somalia examples are new ones to me, 😉 although I’ve heard people use the “she/he’ll change her/his mind about aliya if it’s meant to be.” Yup, that’s the way to go – wait to the two of you fall in love and then spring it onto the other that it’s either you or a lifelong dream. Sigh.

  16. For fun, I used to tell people I wouldn’t go out with anyone who lived east of the Hudson because they have crazy rules about who they would date…

    More seriously, I told my parents it would be great to date close minded Bais Yaakov girls from Brooklyn because I would have so much fun playing with their minds – that got me out of a few dates 🙂

  17. I need the number of the guy who wants the advanced science degree girl – he’s a rare breed.

    When you’re a bit too specific, you may end up neglecting other important things. No?

  18. I’m sorry, so is it in bad taste or not?

    Is it spicy or not? Hungry or not? I don’t see how the words “bad taste” apply.

  19. Why do you guys think it is so strange that some guy said that he wanted to date a girl with a degree in science? He probably was turned off by all the ditzy girls out there and wanted to try a girl who was actually intelligent. At least that would mean that she wasn’t a close minded BY girl who is afraid to think out of the box and pursue her intellectual interests.

  20. I know girls who said they only wanted doctors. Nothing else was an option. They got them, too. Go figure.

  21. The person who would only date people from certain blocks in a neighborhood may have been after a certain lifestyle that is commonly pursued by those in that specific area.
    Whether or not that is a reasonable criterion in shidduchim is up to debate (hopefully most would think not), but hey! she’s entitled!

  22. Pingback: Friday Repost: Must Have Coruscating Abilities | Bad for Shidduchim

  23. As a female with an advanced science degree, I think it’s too picky to insist on dating someone with that kind of degree. Just because someone didn’t get an MS or PhD doesn’t mean they know nothing about science, and it certainly doesn’t mean they must be stupid. But I want to meet that guy too!

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